Epiphany about convictions

I just realised a simple truth about why a lot of pickup doesn’t work. Hold onto your hats! Say that you have a conviction ‘I’m no good with girls’ or ‘no girl will every really like me’. Then you read The Game, and you see this guy become super successful with women. You think: ‘Yes! I want that!’

And you learn a whole lot of lines and you start going out, and you begin to interact with women and lo and behold! – some of them actually think they like you and you even end up sharing the bed with them.

But what happens? After a while, it all starts to feel empty. In fact, you feel even worse than before, because did all those girls really like you? Or was it for the tricks and routines?

You see, one fundamental problem hasn’t been tackled here. In fact, it’s gotten worse because your conviction that you’re really no good with girls has only been strengthened by the fact that you’ve been using tricks and manipulation to get them to like you! This is why the community is destructive in certain ways.

So what should you be focusing on to change this conviction that lives deep within you? Find deep connections. Strengthen your friendships, your family ties, and create a real bond with new people you meet. This will slowly strengthen your other conviction (you can have conflicting convictions about yourself; the strongest wins) that you are a good person, that people do love you for who you are, and that new people in your life are bound to see this.

Many PUAs are loners, because they feel they’re on a path no-one understands, and they go out there believing that sometime they’ll prove the world wrong. Do you see what’s going on here? A person folds in upon himself because deep down, he still doesn’t feel loved and he’s preventively rejecting other people to not have it confirmed that what he’s doing is not generating more love in his world. It’s a lonely and cold path that I know very well.

So if you feel like you’re not surrounded by a warm circle of friends that love you and cherish you just the way you are; if you can’t throw a party and be sure it’ll be a success (however you want it, drinking Gatorade in your living room watching South Park or thrashing a discotheque), you’re not on the right path. Cool guys have company!

At least that’s what I think. Your thoughts please…

Reading Tip: David Deida

So I started reading David Deida’s ‘The Way of the Superior Man’ recently, and must say I’m impressed. I’ve pretty much read most of the big books out there on seduction and love, and still this one made me gasp with its new insights every so often. It’s one of those books that makes you snigger and say ‘So true’ every ten minutes. OK he does get a bit floaty here and there, but this might also be something I just don’t get yet

It reminds me of Frank B. Kermit’s ‘Everything out of her mouth is a test’, even though I like this better. No in fact, I think you should read them both. Frank B. Kermit is a lot more concrete, giving practical ways to implement the insights he delivers. Only, his insights themselves are formulated in such a way that they serve more to intimidate than to give you hope. Yes there are some truths a man must face in order to step into his power and shoulder his fate. It seems Frank B. Kermit is pushing his readers, looking for soft spots. Looking at it now, he probably does it on purpose to show the level of unfazedness you need to have. Kermit’s ways to implement are gold. If you have his ten basic skills mastered, you’re set for some solid success. Sadly, they’re not that easy to master – at least, it takes a LOT of practice.

I haven’t found this in David Deida yet, that leaves me wondering sometimes how on earth I’m supposed to do what he says. I get it, but I can’t see, hear and feel it yet. I’d love to see it in action. I just saw on his site that he has a book called ‘Instant Enlightenment’, a “rude awakening” through a collection of daring exercises and practices intended to provoke, challenge, and immediately reveal the ever-present “love that lives all things.” Anyone read it?

The biggest lessons for me, personally, was the concept of living on your edge. I’ve seen this theme come back under all kinds of names. Hans Comijn at Zan’s Amorati described it once as the man that pursues his adventure in life, joined by a woman. Most PUAs advocate bringing the girl into your reality – which implies that you have your own reality. David Deida added onto that for me by saying that you must always, in every field of your life, go looking for the edge. Not overshooting it by miles, but constantly pushing it.

Instead of trying to be some rock star pimp, be one step pimpier than how you are today. Instead of whining about being a millionnaire, start making a bit more money than you do today. Train until it hurts. And when you’re with a woman, ‘ravish her’ with all you’ve got (love that word, ravish).

Wherever you are in life, you need to be pushing your edge. Get close to your fear and get to know it. Get to know yourself under pressure. Don’t hide from your fear, get right up in its face and lick it.

Another thing that I found very interesting: a man is always looking for freedom. He can do this in two ways. The first is by finding some kind of challenge and breaking through it. Like sports, working towards a goal, picking up women. These are ego-based activities. When we win, it liberates us from this ego, we transcend it, and feel the rush of being free. The paradoxical thing here is that we choose to enslave ourselves to our egos, just so we can free ourselves from it. Think about it.

A second way to go about finding freedom is by transcendance. Mediation, the power of now, acceptance… are all practices geared towards an ego-less state of inner peace. Many of us are looking for this but if you’re a bit like me, you’re scared that once you reach this state, you’ll lose your edge. Something in me doesn’t want to give up the ego-based stuff because it’s FUN! Beating someone ass in rugby, conquering a wave while surfing, going out to bars and owning the place… do I seriously have to trade that for meditation tea parties and sunday-morning yoga walks? I realise that if you have that kind of peace, the ego-based activities mean nothing anymore, but still… I’d love to hear your opinions on this!

One last thing. About masculine and feminine polarity, and realising that you attract the kinds of women that are your polar opposite. Me, for example, I attract and am attracted to very feminine women, with a masculine edge to their character. Which implies that I’m very masculine, with a feminine edge to my character. Anyone who knows me, will probably agree that this is the case. So what do you attract, and what does it say about you? It’s about choosing the woman that chooses you. About stopping to pursue a woman the moment your interest in her is greater than hers in you.

And about not letting her femininity faze you out of your masculine energy. This last point speaks to the nice guy – jerk continuum: when you react to a woman testing you and playing up, you’re actually giving into it – whatever you do. Being a man implies that it really, fundamentally, doesn’t bother you. According to Deida (and I’m inclined to agree), a woman testing you is just a fact of life. In fact, it’s her way of loving you, by seeking out your soft spots and making you be the best you can be. A woman that does not test you, does not love you.

And she sure as hell won’t get the best out of you. Fantastic lesson! The testing will never be over, so any of you that are looking for that girl where they will be able to rest their heads and ‘just’ be themselves: you might either be chasing phantoms (because you’ll never find her), or you’re chasing the wrong thing (because you’ll find her and realise it’s not what you want).

So in summary, if you haven’t read this yet I strongly propose you read David Deida’s work, soon. It will transform the way you look at things. For me, it implies going from being a tail-chasing player to being a man that attracts women and ravishes them (yeah!). It ties in well with the movement I’ve been making lately, by not letting my loud-mouthed mr. Social dominate, and looking for alternative ways to spark attraction. This meant falling back to where I was years ago, but I’m slowly finding some mechanisms that work for me. More about this when it’s at a higher level! And all your help is welcome of course. For example Angel, when will you tell us about passive attraction?

Guest Post – Fizmo – SMS and phone game

Phoenix asked me to write a guest post about Phone game and sms-game, and since I am such an attention slut, I am gonna obey his command.

First of all, let me say I don’t really like phone or sms game in the long term. It’s nice to build some anticipation or curiosity, but I wanna talk to a girl face-to-face, so I can watch her reaction and expression.

There are no ‘general rules’ for phone game, every girl is different and the most important problem is that girls are very mood-dependent. One girl can reply or pick up the phone as soon as you try to reach her, other girls don’t feel like talking or are annoyed with things and just ignore your messages. So how do you deal with this? What follows is my way of seeing things and a method that fits my character. I am more of an ADHD, extravert, direct type with the fascination and imagination of a 5-year-old.

How to choose between SMS or calling?

I tried both; both seem to work and to fail sometimes. I used to be the type of guy who called the next day. Just a friendly, weird conversation to let her know I had a great time, I wanna get to know her personality more and intrigue her with my life and lifestyle, without going for a date (which I go for after the second or third call or SMS). What I noticed is that is dependent on where you got the number from her. Was in it a crowded, loud, hectic place where you didn’t have a long and interesting conversation (a bar, a festival, a club… ), then I wouldn’t advise calling her the next day, cause you didn’t really have a lot to say and it just shows some kind of neediness (in those places girls get approached more often and you quickly get to be ‘one of many’). In those instances I would advise writing an intriguing SMS (more on that later). If you had a good, long converstation (maybe in park, in a library, coffeeshop…) I would say call her the next day or the day after, just to keep her in the mood of being happy to talk to you.

What if she doesn’t reply

It happens; you don’t always know what goes on inside a girl’s mind. I always try three times. The first time I call or send a SMS, sometimes I decide to leave a voicemessage (I definitely do it by the second time). The voicemail I like to use is something like this:

“(ironic voice) Do you know how much money you’re making me pay here. I know who is gonna buy the first round if we ever gonna get together. (go over the top-voice). I planned the greatest day of your life, but I don’t know if I feel like doing it again I would say, call me up and see if you can convince me of giving you another chance… If you dare to do it, cheerz!”

Pretty arrogant message I know, but I like to set boundaries from the beginning. I don’t like girls who don’t answer messages, because I can’t count on them, so you have to be firm in this from the beginning. It’s a grounded message, where she has to do the work, and she has missed an opportunity, not you.

What’s the time I leave between the three messages? I would say send a message or voicemail the day after you had a long, good conversation, 2 days after if it was a short conversation, three days is the maximum. If you ever doubt about sending a messages or phoning because you think it’s too soon or too needy, don’t send it and do it the next day. I improved my game by always sending or phoning a day after I actually wanted to contact the girl. Take this into account especially if you really like a girl (relationship material) and you feel like you are getting too clingy.

Send the second message or phone about a week after you send the first (have something to do where she can come along (e.g. a party, you’re shopping, stand-up comedy, exhibit…) The third message or phone I would either send it when you have something really cool and you going to it anyway and you want her to tag along or when you use an all round message that you send to multiple girls, just to trigger their interest (you would be surprised how many girls reply to this, even after they haven’t seen you for a long time).

An example of such a sms message is:

“Hey, what about our superromantic date where I take you out to Mc Donalds and you can order anything you want of the menu, live a day like a princess, while I serenade you with my Coldplay songs. Let me know if you can handle it, x

If they don’t reply, keep in touch once for a while when you feel like it; sometimes you catch girls in a good mood and they wanna meet and you can continue where you left off.

My sms game

I like to get girls in a roleplaying-scenario. I refer to something we talked about in our first conversation or a nickname I gave her. She can be part of a fairytale (princes), a sportswoman, a journalist etc … I try to keep the messages funny and enticing, without giving the impression that they HAVE to reply. Let me keep you some examples (which I just came up with).

- Princess: “Hey, milady, I just found your glass slipper at my doorstep. Meet me at the ball tomorrow, I’ll bring my pumpkin chariot”. You can use all kinds of fairytale sms: breadcrumbs that lead to your place, her being in her ivory tower waiting to be saved, to save her from the evil witch, that she should stop cleaning the house for her evil sisters, she should stop sleeping to wait for a kiss by a prince…

- A sports woman: Hey, it’s your personal trainer here, I hope you had you fresh cup of vitamine C, because if you follow me, I am gonna take you to the top, all you need is some discipline. I am gonna stay in touch to see if you follow my schedule, because we are gonna get that gold medal at the Olympics in (whatever sport she does), grtz

- A journalist: Hey Lois (pointing to Lois Lane), I expect your report by tomorrow on the meeting at (the place where you met here) with the important businessman (fill in your name). Don’t leave out the details, I count on your honesty and intuition. And could it be that I saw you flying outside yesterday with a queer guy in a carnival suit with an S on his chest? I hope you are ok, cheerz (you acting like you’re the chief editor)

These are low-key sms which generate interest. You can’t keep sending these texts, they are just a buildup to meet her and to escalate further. They always assert a dominant frame where you tell her to fit the role that you ascribe to her.

My Phone game

Some people say call whenever you feel like calling. I partly agree to this, just because of the fact that you are relaxed and feel at ease when you are waiting on the phone (not impatiently) and feel ready for an amusing conversation. But if you do feel some nervous energy or impatience, try to get yourself in a good state, do something else first or first call a friend to get you in the mood. I personally like to call between 6pm and 8pm, because it’s a time girls don’t have a lot to do and are in a less stressful state (mostly). They got back from work, had time to relax a little, are at home, are going to eat and most girls start doing things (sports, going out, … ) starting from like 8pm. At least that’s my experience.

What do you talk about? Well, try to keep it light and amusing, tease her a little, be interested in her life (not too much though), talk about your day (don’t talk about it as being boring, if it is, make things up and go over the top (e.g. I robbed a bank today, helped an old lady cross the street, donated money to the child cancer fund and ran through a red light and had to escape the cops). Keep the conversation positive, nothing negative in conversations in sms or phone game in the beginning when you first start seeing a girl. If it develops to a relationship you got plenty of time to let that part of your personality shine through.

If you meet a girl in the beginning, you want her just to be fun to hang around with right, so do the same. Some people say ‘keep the converstation short’, well, if the girl really is eating from your plate you don’t have to keep it short, but try to be the first who ends it though, that way you stay dominant and show that you also have other things to do.

If there is an awkward silence, just stay firm and don’t let it bother you, if the girl is engaged in the conversation she will try to continue the conversation and if all fails, I always like to go over the top. e.g. if a girl says, you are so quiet or says you sound different, you can say:

- Quiet: Yes, I am sitting here all alone with my favourite blanket over me, and a cup of milk and honey, listening to some boyzone records, I try not to cry but it’s difficult (all of this with an extremely over the top, pathetic voice)

- Different: Yes, I am hiding from three ninja’s here, they try to steal this secret document I have to deliver to you. I don’t know if I will be alive the next time I see you, but I promise I will fight to my last breath.

You get the idea.

To finish off, here is my original SMS text message, which almost always triggers interest.
You send to the girl this message: “Wish me luck”

Almost all girls will send a message back with “ I wish you luck, but what’s it for?”

Then you reply: “Well I bought a lottery-ticket today and if I win and you’re a good girl, I am gonna buy you a pony.”

It’s great because you put the girl in a little girl frame and you can ask her to come over to check the digits to see if you won. If she asks later, ‘did I won the pony?’ you can always say ‘I don’t know, I wanted to share this joyful experience with you’)

Well that’s it for today, keep your head up and enjoy life,

Yours Truly,

Fiz

Love

What do you think?

Rewards from the field

One of the most beautiful mails a woman ever sent me, today (I sent her a message because I saw she removed me from Facebook, and I guessed she didn’t want someone new in her life to find out about me):

“Hey you……I did find myself a boyfriend. He would certainly not understand our connection! I didn’t want to boot you out – but also didn’t want to explain to him how I knew you. Spontaneous combustion is an understatement. I will always think of you as my sexual liberation. You have no idea how much I needed you that week. I had forgotten that I was a woman….and that I was sexual. I am sort of glad we never saw each other again – for fear it would not live up to the heat of our first encounter. You are amazing!!!!

XOXOXO – always
“

That just makes me so happy to be alive

Patience and Pressure

This is not what I was planning to write for my 100th post but all the things I wanted to say got so out of hand, I think I’ll turn it into a manual or something

What I want to write about is a beautiful thing though. It’s about patience. I’m traditionally not a very patient person, and it shows in my results.

Because of wanting to get results so fast, I’ve been forfeiting a lot of pleasure I could have had meeting girls, and enjoyment from the process of slowly connecting with someone until we inexorably drift towards each other and… well, you get the point Also, I’ve been missing interesting conversations with guys and ‘just’ girls by wanting to get the special girls immediately.

So lately my active side kind of switched off, after all the feedback I got I figured I needed to do something differently and this was it. In the beginning it was hard, because I missed my active, thrill-seeking persona that went straight to the goal and could make things happen. On the other hand, I began to see things happen of their own accord. Much slower, and seemingly much more random. A lot less connected to my actions. And yet, unmistakably my merit, as it wouldn’t happen if I didn’t exist right.

A learning area here is the switch to escalation; sometimes it takes a little push and when you’re being patient and passive, taking it active means switching states.

I’ve noticed that in not pushing myself to ‘take the interaction further’ other than having a great conversation and letting whatever flows from that come, it just feels so much more natural and girls become more attractive to me. Like they start to show themselves. And another thing: it’s lost me nothing in dominance, I don’t become a pussy as I feared. On the contrary. With the neediness of pushing it being gone, my position as soon as I’m in a conversation becomes considerably stronger. She doesn’t know what I want, whether I want it and where it’s going. It allows me space to surprise her, whereas the pushy guy just has one role: mister social, mister active.

Another drawback of the active seeker: when Mr. Social switches off, it’s like a mask that falls. As people see him as an eternal source of energy, his being laid back and waiting to see what happens comes over as weird. A laid back guy going active and social has a different charge – he’s just having a good night.

What I want to say with is is that it’s great to have the Mr. Social as a skill, but that it’s too energy-consuming to do all the time, and also not fulfilling for making real connection. Nothing new there. What’s new, is being able to incorporate it and keep it in my arsenal as a possibility I have, a choice I can make in any given situation. How’s that for super powers!

Pressure

It’s also symptomatic to me that I put pressure on myself. Pressure to achieve, to be good at what I do, to get results. Sometimes I put less pressure on myself in one area, only to immediately apply it in another field. Like I’ll lay off at work, and start training like a madman, or going out every night. There’s always some kind of pressure going on with me; whether it be work, love life, sports, playing piano… I’m not a very relaxed person really

Sometimes I put pressure on myself in almost every single field – which is when I get overstressed, become paralysed and start sucking at stuff. This is also what makes me break down, switch off, take rest and find new insight. This also means that if I can allow myself to chill a bit more, I don’t need to crash myself into a wall every time to take some peace and quiet.

This is a typical maturing thing; with age, I’ll probably lose a lot of my need to prove myself in all kinds of areas. For now, I’m very grateful to have such a driving force – just need to keep it in check.

Sympathy for Entropy

So I went out in Gent with Angel and Entropy last Wednesday (Cruise was later celebrated as their newest member by the Gent homeless society). Fun stuff! Entropy is a cool guy, really down to earth and with a relaxed sharpness. Reminds me a lot of a Danish friend of mine, a complete natural that just enjoys a beer with mates but always ends up in bed with girls

It was a lot of fun to hear him talk about the other pickup gurus, most of which he’s met at some point. Puts things into perspective. Even though he was admittedly a little out of shape and we mainly just had some beers and hung around chatting, I could see how Entropy would do well. Why?

For one, the comfort factor. Entropy is a calm guy, not intrusive at all (unlike me at times :-/). Even when in set, he retains a respectful distance. After just a few hours, I felt completely comfortable around him and he even forgave me one of my sporadic upsurges of obnoxiousness. Yes Angel, so did you I dropped in uninvited on a set Angel had opened. Mea culpa guys.

Another thing I saw him do was call girls over. He’d stand there, and call a girl he’d selected over by signaling with his hand, and she would come over. A great dominant way to initiate a conversation! Plus it really shows that you’ve selected her, while still signaling that she’s going to have to prove something. It could backfire but it’s all in the way you do it.

So we didn’t get to talk much about pickup, or meeting girls as I like to call it these days. But I can see there’s many valuable things one can learn from this guy. Hope I get to go out with him again one of these days. If you (reader) ever get the chance – go for it! This is a certifiably cool dude with some badass social skills and some special tricks to top it off. His little secret that I reveal to you here, which is what separates the dudes from the duds when it comes to getting good at meeting women:

Focus and practice

It’s not like you’ve never heard this before, but are you actually focusing on meeting more girls? How many girls did you meet recently? And are you taking your interactions further every time? Have you identified your sticking points and are you putting focus on them?

What I think is the number 1 sticking point with most of the guys in the Belgian lair, is closing. It’s great to talk to hot chicks and all, but even I end up in Jerkoff ally most of the time with these girls, and as such I don’t see my talks with them as much of a success – not that I’m not happy about having done it, but it’s nothing to brag about really. Just another polite, maybe even mildly interesting conversation. As long as you don’t have your tongue down her throat, there just isn’t that much to it. So escalating, showing your intentions, and closing!

Angel will be posting something soon on Entropy, with more information on the essence of his teachings and what you can practically do with it. Watch this space!

A note on phone game

Today, I called the girl who’s number I got yesterday and I have this simple structure to my calls: hello – what’s up – chat a bit until there’s a cool vibe – arrange to meet up (specifics!). I noticed today though, that I was going a bit too far in the bullshitting until the vibe hits thing. I was telling a story and she kept saying ‘yeah’, ‘yeah’ way too early to be interested. I did finish the story, which she told me was useless. That was pretty funny so we’re getting together next week.

In fact, she sent me a message yesterday to confirm that we were meeting up this week. I must have passed some tests there. One of my sticking points is arranging for the Day 2s, which I’m now beginning to gain some speed in (two lunch dates and a party date this week) – this means I’ll be gaining experience in where to take it from there. Will keep you posted!

Great post from Cliff’s list: 10 mistakes

I ripped this from the Cliff’s list newsletter I just got, and I must say this is very solid insight. Do read!

Finding a mate is one of the most fundamental aspects of life, but it is also a problem many people struggle with. Here are the ten biggest mistakes men make with women.

MISTAKE #1: PURSUING WOMEN

Most guys will try all kind of things to get women, such as subtly hanging around a cute girl, walking across the bar to talk to a hot girl, trying to be funny and interesting enough to keep a girl’s attention, trying to get a girl’s phone number, or simply wishing to be with the girl next to them.

The problem with all these approaches is that these men are pursuing women. Pursuing women mentally is as bad as pursuing them physically. No matter how you look at it, women are the ones who decide whom they let inside.

They look for a man who walks his own path in life, who is centered in his own reality, and who is not thrown off-balance around her. When you pursue a woman, you are being reactive to her. You are not being yourself, and that’s not attractive. Stop trying to get women, but instead let them join you in your life.

MISTAKE #2: PUTTING WOMEN ON A PEDESTAL

Most men will look at a hot girl and wish they would be worthy enough to be with such an incredible woman. If you say things like this, you are putting girls on a pedestal. When you do so, you are not being yourself, and that’s not attractive. Some guys will even make funny negative comments to bring women down to their level.

That might compensate for putting women on a pedestal, but it doesn’t solve the problem itself. If you view her from a social perspective, there is no way you can compare with her looks and status unless you are a millionaire or a Hollywood star. However, all is not perfect underneath her skin, and she is too often hiding all kinds of issues and insecurities behind her façade.

If you relate to her as a human being, you have your authenticity, ease for life, and carefree nature to offer. In fact, you can be at her level before you even say a word by not being thrown off at all by her presence. If you are feeling and behaving exactly the same before, during, and after meeting her, you are relating to her on an equal level, and that’s very attractive. If you can do this, you will succeed.

You will stand out, because it is hard for her to find a guy who is not being reactive to her.

MISTAKE #3: VIEWING WOMEN AS SEXUAL OBJECTS

With all the sexy skin shown to us everywhere by the media, we have been conditioned like dogs to view women as nothing more than sex objects. Women have also been conditioned to adapt to that image.

When a woman walks around showing off her physical assets and wearing a lot of makeup, she has succumbed to the media’s portrayal of women, and also views herself as a sex object. When she thinks of herself that way, it’s hard for men not to view her that way too. Most men simply want to have their way with this type of girl, and afterward won’t give her much of a second thought, much less want to see her again.

The problem is, all this leads to fantasizing about women sexually and therefore creates a bigger
disconnection between men and women. All this is social conditioning: it is not natural and does not lead to sex. Viewing women as purely sexual objects gets in the way of connecting with women because you then have an agenda and an attachment to the outcome.

You are then trying to get something from her, and that is not attractive to her. Sex is the by-product of connecting with women. You connect with women by shining with your authenticity, integrity, and carefree nature, and by creating a safe space where she is free to like you or not.

Once you are really connected to a woman and it feels like the two of you are alone in the world, a
sexual relationship will develop on its own, and you won’t have to force it.

MISTAKE #4: PUSHING INTERACTION

Most guys fail with women because they try too hard to get them.

Even trying a little bit is too much. It would be like saying your girlfriend is just a little bit pregnant. Either you are pursuing her, trying to get her, and pushing the interaction, or you aren’t. When you push a conversation verbally or physically, women perceive the neediness behind it, and it repels them.

When you are centered in your reality and you communicate with women without expectations
or attachments, it leaves space for the connection to happen, and you don’t have to push anything. If you try it and it doesn’t work, it’s usually because you still have subconscious attachments to the
outcome.

MISTAKE #5: USING PICK-UP TECHNIQUES

To compensate for a lack of success, many men learn and use pick-up techniques. The biggest problem with these techniques is that they work once in a while, which makes men try even harder to get lucky again. Using tricks to work around your unattractiveness doesn’t really solve your unattractiveness.

Even when you get lucky, it rarely leads to a real connection or lasting relationship, because
you show a façade that is not really yourself. It’s just a matter of time before she realizes who you really are and she decides whether or not she likes you. What really happens is that if you
interact with a woman and you act naturally and are not thrown off by her, then she will decide that she kind of likes you.

If you play games, she will most likely see through it and will take one of the following actions: reject you; play games too and make you jump through hoops; or, rarely, decide she still likes you and go
along. If you can differentiate what helps you from what hinders your success, you can keep your confidence and openness and let go of everything that comes from a state of mind of scarcity, such as pick-up techniques.

Even if you get lucky once in a while with these techniques, it is way too much work, and you can’t spend your whole life pursuing things.

MISTAKE #6: VALUING OUTWARD APPEARANCES AND INDEPENDENT WOMEN

Many men consider women with perfect skin and toned, voluptuous bodies to be the best women to pursue for a sexual relationship because that’s what we see all the time in magazines. Many men also
consider independent career women to be the best-suited mates for long-term relationships. If that’s the case for you, it makes you live with the fantasy of sex instead of really experimenting with it.

Women have also been conditioned to adapt to those images by the media. That screws everything up, causing all sorts of problems ranging from breast cancer, to a divorce rate in excess of fifty percent, to the presence of more singles than ever in history. The truth is, women who focus too much on their perfect appearance do it to compensate for a lack of self-esteem, and they are
disconnected from their authenticity and spontaneity.

For that reason, it is hard to feel an emotional connection with them, and sex with them is usually average and mechanical. After engaging in intimate relations with these women, men usually dump them the next day, which lowers their self-esteem even more. As for independent career women, their sexuality is locked down because they are too logical and masculine. Relationships with them are often a power struggle and too often end up in divorce.

For physical intimacy to be satisfying and for relationships to be healthy, you need polarity: a very feminine and confident woman who helps you develop as a man. You want authenticity, integrity, a carefree nature, lightness, and spontaneity in a woman to feel one with her. Just shifting the focus of what you value makes a big difference in what you attract into your life: fantasy or reality.

MISTAKE #7: TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE

When you view a man who is very successful with women, you may be tempted to imitate him in order to achieve his success. However, he is not successful because of what he’s doing, but because of who he is and the way he lives his life. You and he have different strengths, weaknesses, and life paths, so your styles will be different.

You can’t try to be yourself and try to be someone else at the same time. When you are acting like someone else, you repress a part of yourself and something feels wrong. You don’t want to be your weak self who fails either. There is a powerful and successful self deep inside you, but it is hidden behind fears, excuses, and social conditioning.

That’s the self you want to get in touch with. Charisma with women is not a skill to learn; rather, it’s a natural ability you can uncover by unlearning what hides it.

MISTAKE #8: VIEWING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT VIDEOS, MAGAZINES, OR OTHER MATERIAL

Another thing too many men do is watch porn instead of having sex.

Porn conditions you to live with sex as a fantasy instead of sex as a reality. It also conditions you to view women as sexual objects and to view sex as a “big bang” act. Sex is the by-product of connecting with a woman, and it is a mind-body-soul experience in which you can experience full-body orgasms that sometimes last more than thirty seconds.

The sex shown in porn movies is nothing compared to what sex can be. Watching porn also conditions you to the wrong types of women and the wrong kind of so-called physical “intimacy” instead of valuing their authentic feminine nature.

When you are not having sex, you are much better keeping your sexual energy and using it to move you forward in other areas of your life. The best thing you can do to bring sex closer to your reality
is to stop watching porn.

MISTAKE #9: FEELING BAD ABOUT FAILURES

Another common mistake is to feel bad when you don’t attract women, when you are single, or when women reject you. You feel bad because you are attached to the outcome, which is the result of having neediness inside you.

That neediness is not attractive and does nothing at all to help you. To succeed, you have to let the
neediness go. When you walk through the world and you don’t care at all how women respond, that projects a totally different (and very attractive) vibe.

When you come back alone from a bar, do you beat yourself up for failing, or are you smiling because you had such a great time ? Feeling grateful for what you have and feeling good about what you don’t have yet will shift your reality.

MISTAKE #10: SAYING “THIS GIRL IS SPECIAL”

Women want you to be the same before, during, and after meeting them. Sometimes you may meet a very attractive and nice woman, think “this girl is special,” and start behaving differently around
her without realizing it. You then give her too much attention and change your plans too easily for her. You become responsive to her as the stimulus, and that’s not what she wants.

She wants a man who remains the same around her and who doesn’t get too emotionally attached. Even when I could sleep with several women per week, I met a few “special” girls, and although I slept with them, things didn’t work out afterwards with any of them. You are the rare catch; don’t start behaving differently around the best women.

Random shit

I found this on some random website but I can’t remember where – I think it’s hilarious so props to the author!

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

5. There is a great need for sarcasm font

6. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f&*% was going on when I first saw it.

7. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

8. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

9. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

11. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

12. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

13. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

14. Bad decisions make good stories

15. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

16. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem.

17. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

18. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

19. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

20. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

21. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only amatter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

22. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and SA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

23. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnxit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

24. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.!

25. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

26. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

27 Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for paedophiles…

28. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

29. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

30. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

31. I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in high school.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting theG-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my a@s everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away,in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

33. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hxll do I respond to that?

34. I wonder if cops ever get pissxd off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

35. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

36. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food.Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastxrd before dinner.

Guest Post – Fizmo – Pitfalls of Attraction

Very excited to introduce Fizmo’s guest post, as it contains some juicy subjects we’d like to hear your opinions about. So without further ado: the Fizz!

Just a few quick thoughts ….

To persevere or to let go

One of the key dilemmas I still have when I want to attract a woman is finding the balance between showing interest and not being too involved. If I show too much interest, she has the ‘I already have him, this guy isn’t popular with other girls’-feeling and she loses attraction; if on the other hand I don’t push it hard enough, a girl might get the feeling of me not really wanting her.

To persevere or to let go, that is the question. I want her to know that I like her, and also let her know that I have other options; that I am an independent man. It keeps me puzzled.

Corny flakes

I also get a lot of flakes, even after having a great night. I like to call girls the day after I met them, just for a casual talk, to see what she’s up to and let her know what I am up to, but often they don’t answer the phone or return my message.

I like to really get to know girls when I meet them, so my objective on an evening out is mostly having a good time and seeing what she’s all about – if it matches her pretty face and/or body of course :p

So after a great night (according to me) and getting lots of signals that she’s interested, I might kiss a girl or not. I hardly ever push it to sex though, mostly because I want to have the feeling that I sleep with a personality – with a gorgeous body – and that she likes me for me being me; that it’s not just one-night entertainment. Else I don’t really have a good feeling the next day when we both wake up, because the attraction was mostly superficial.

Maybe … getting to know her personality is something which will happen if the sex is good though. Sexuality is the attraction language of women and maybe when I call or text her the next day, my impact on her is less (although I think the anticipation is higher), then if I would have slept with her.

What do you guys think? How do you keep the anticipation up without hitting the sack from day one?

Staying out of my head

There is still the classic problem: it’s easy being cool and not being affected by the outcome with girls that I like, just not in a ‘girlfriend -way’. They stick on me like glue. And then when I see a girl I really like, my stomach gets all rumbled up again. I turn into a little insecure boy who starts analysing and rationalising everything and starts to get in his head so much, I feel like Dustin Hoffman in “Rain Man”. Why is human behaviour so irrational sometimes…

By the way I think the biggest achievement I reached with PUA, is staying out of my head as much as possible. As soon as I hear that voice coming up, I tell myself “ back to the reality that lays before me”. It helps me a great deal to get the flow going and keep conversations and situations natural.

The alabaster girl?

It’s crazy; when I was taking my first steps into the PUA-jungle nearly two years ago, I really fell in love with a girl called V. Almost two years later, she’s still there, shining on her pedestal. Is it because she really is that wonderful to me and all comparisons with other girls turn into dust, or have I just made a private goddess of her… makes me wonder.

Will I ever have a steady relationship, I ask myself sometimes. Starting from “De Gentse Feesten” I decided to quit looking for a stable relationship, I am happy as I am, really not steady relationship-material at the moment. Most of my friends tell me ‘I just haven’t met the right girl’.

The dark side

I think there is a dark side to PUA. It’s the constant need for re-affirmation of one’s persona and pick up skills. As soon as you catch a beautiful female butterfly in your web, you lose interest – look at all those other beautiful butterflies that fly around! It’s a never-ending quest, where the hunter becomes addicted to the hunt, not the catch. Because the hunt makes him feel alive.

The hunter doesn’t feel like a hunter anymore when he sits there in his kitchen, cooking up the food and saying to himself ‘I reached what I wanted, I can now be a hunter sitting inside’. He would feel like a houseman then, not a hunter, although he knows he still has the skills.

I wonder if long-lasting love is out there for me, or if I just don’t allow myself to get that feeling. Could be that I’m afraid of being dependent on someone. I like to be on my own and when someone gets too close, I feel cornered and want to run away.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous of most relationships. Most of my friends and people’s relationships, to me, seem very mediocre and dull after a while. That would be a death penalty for my kick-seeking persona.

On the other hand, some relationships seem great and aren’t we in PUA for exactly this reason, to really find that perfect match or at least give us the possibility of filtering through all the bad ones to find something better for us?

PUAs in an LTR

I want to ask something to you guys who are in the seduction community and now have a long lasting relationship or had one at some point: how was this girl different to all the others? How did you deal with the cold turkey of being with one single woman?

When you see another beautiful woman, don’t you think: “Wouldn’t she be better?”, or “I would like to get to know her?” I know you can still hang around and talk to other women, but personally I feel I have real good conversations with women when I make them sexual and flirtatious, but I still think when you really want to go for a long-lasting relationship you should stop sexually seeing other woman. It makes the bond unique (maybe that’s just an old AFC-framework of mine).

Also, when I am taking it to the sexual or flirtatious level I only do it when I’m really interested in her, else it feels like I’m playing with her emotions. I like the approach “treat other people like you would like to be treated”, and I wouldn’t like to be played with either.

Enough rationalising! Time get outside my head again and focus on the reality that lays before me. Which is exciting…

You live and you learn they say, maybe I should learn how to live without all this living feeling like learning.

Your homey,

Fiz