I just realised a simple truth about why a lot of pickup doesn’t work. Hold onto your hats! Say that you have a conviction ‘I’m no good with girls’ or ‘no girl will every really like me’. Then you read The Game, and you see this guy become super successful with women. You think: ‘Yes! I want that!’
And you learn a whole lot of lines and you start going out, and you begin to interact with women and lo and behold! – some of them actually think they like you and you even end up sharing the bed with them.
But what happens? After a while, it all starts to feel empty. In fact, you feel even worse than before, because did all those girls really like you? Or was it for the tricks and routines?
You see, one fundamental problem hasn’t been tackled here. In fact, it’s gotten worse because your conviction that you’re really no good with girls has only been strengthened by the fact that you’ve been using tricks and manipulation to get them to like you! This is why the community is destructive in certain ways.
So what should you be focusing on to change this conviction that lives deep within you? Find deep connections. Strengthen your friendships, your family ties, and create a real bond with new people you meet. This will slowly strengthen your other conviction (you can have conflicting convictions about yourself; the strongest wins) that you are a good person, that people do love you for who you are, and that new people in your life are bound to see this.
Many PUAs are loners, because they feel they’re on a path no-one understands, and they go out there believing that sometime they’ll prove the world wrong. Do you see what’s going on here? A person folds in upon himself because deep down, he still doesn’t feel loved and he’s preventively rejecting other people to not have it confirmed that what he’s doing is not generating more love in his world. It’s a lonely and cold path that I know very well.
So if you feel like you’re not surrounded by a warm circle of friends that love you and cherish you just the way you are; if you can’t throw a party and be sure it’ll be a success (however you want it, drinking Gatorade in your living room watching South Park or thrashing a discotheque), you’re not on the right path. Cool guys have company!
At least that’s what I think. Your thoughts please…
20 responses so far ↓
Angel // November 6, 2009 at 2:10 am |
yes,
the dark side of PU is one that has fascinated me from day1.
I am fortunate to have many female friends in my life who are truly in my heart. And ALL were opposed to me getting into the game.
ALL said that I was an attractive, funny and ‘good guy’, yet NONE of them would ever think for a second about sleeping with me.
A contradiction that was answered by the game, but still my original question remained: “why are women so opposed to men learning how to seduce women?”
Well, here is my (preliminary) answer: you are right to say it can hurt you even more by stating lines that are not yours and that it messes you up.
For me, it is about emotions. By replacing words like ‘women’ with ’sets’ and ‘making love’ with “full close”, you strip all the positive and wonderful emotions and feelings from the equation.
And it are just those feelings which makes relationships so special to both men and women. That is for me the reason why PU doesnt work.
In fact, you could even go further: in my opinion, it is precisely this ABSENCE of emotions why most men get into the game in the first place. More often then not, their girlfriend has harshly broken up with them and they have been unable to get over this emotionally.
And strangely enough, instead of trying to get back in touch with their emotions (or their lack of), they enter a lifestyle which reenforces that lack of emotion…
Its something Entropy thought me as I was doing the same: I was unable to get over my long relationship with my ex and ignored dealing with it by trying to seduce many other women. Its a vicious circle that can never work in the long term as you failed to get over your initial problem of the break up (and yet at the same time, being unable to go for another woman 100%)
I recently cut the woman out of my life completely, not because I wanted too but because I had too. And a lot of my emotions were released (the good and the bad). I was becoming too emotionless and had also little pleasure left when I slept with a new woman….
One of the best friends said: “a man without emotions is a man without a soul”
And she’s so right, I have seen so many men who are incredibly good with women but never seem to be happy or fulfilled. It is because they lost their soul and I pity them to be honest…
emotions is what you find with your family, with your close friends, with you love, with your pets.
… emotion is life, PU is not …
Angel
Fizmo // November 6, 2009 at 9:33 am |
So what should you be focusing on to change this conviction that lives deep within you? Find deep connections. Strengthen your friendships, your family ties, and create a real bond with new people you meet. This will slowly strengthen your other conviction (you can have conflicting convictions about yourself; the strongest wins) that you are a good person, that people do love you for who you are, and that new people in your life are bound to see this.
Many PUAs are loners, because they feel they’re on a path no-one understands, and they go out there believing that sometime they’ll prove the world wrong. Do you see what’s going on here? A person folds in upon himself because deep down, he still doesn’t feel loved and he’s preventively rejecting other people to not have it confirmed that what he’s doing is not generating more love in his world. It’s a lonely and cold path that I know very well.
=> I am gonna give some serious feedback on your recent posts, but this is the one that struck me the most. Listen Phoenix, every time you go out with me as a friend, you almost NEVER talk to me or create a serious conversation. It’s almost always that you just do it to pump your own state, but there is almost never genuine interest. The last times we’ve been out how much attention have you been paying to me ? You were almost always with a (new) girl and the ‘tactic’ you use is to dump that girl with your friends, while you try to ‘game’ other girls or girls that you know to make her want you more. There is nothing wrong with that, but last time we went out, you talked almost half of the time with a girl you knew, while your ‘date’ was being entertained by your friends. So it seems like you like talking to other girls more, instead of your male friends, just because it gives you the ‘abundance’-mentality. It’s just an observation I make, I’ve been out a lot of times with you and every time you do the same thing. It’s just weird, you talking about genuine conversations, but meanwhile when we’re out we talk about 5 minutes during the whole evening. If you keep on talking to other girls when you are with a new girl, I guess I am gonna game that girl, since I entertain her, you have to be aware of the consequences. You can use the argument ‘I just wanna get to know people’, but it seems that those people are mostly female people who you can use to your advantage to make a girl jealous, instead of giving attention to the people you already know. Just my two cents Phoenix, you know I only say it to help you.
Much love,
Fiz
Cruise // November 6, 2009 at 9:38 am |
Hi guys,
I have written 2 comments on Entropy’s website about emotions and motivation.
http://www.entropypua.com/blog/over-justification-effect#commenting
Angels writes: “I have seen so many men who are incredibly good with women, but never seem to be happy or fulfilled. It is because they lost their soul and I pity them to be honest…”
Could you please elaborate this?
I haven’t seen that many “ladies man” yet.
The second part, about others being happy or unhappy, I would not even dare to make a judgment about that.
I see you often doing this Angel with people. You easily mention and remention certain people in storytelling when you want to impress women with your goodness. I told you that it’s of no use quoting these characters, certainly not in the amount we tend to do sometimes. In female lexicon, you could call it gossip. Yes! Gossip! Because the “teneur” of the story is always to put you above them. And the “he’s such a good guy” is only a thin lair of paint to camouflage your pityness that you are not even able to say outloud, because that would be disrespectful in your opinion.
So let’s stop mentioning the “loses” and talk about the “winners”.
P.S. I’m curious how P.R. can distinguisch the winners from the losers in the polyamoury picture protest walk. Telling me I want to be different from the rest??? Hmmmm.
I just pointed out in my comment about “love” that I do not feel abnormal! On the contrary. I feel as normal as everybody else. It looks like you missed the irony and the message in my sms to S, when I busted her for calling me and “abnormaliteit”. The reason why I busted her, was not because of pay back time, or turning the table, but only because I hope she would see the normality in me AND IN HER TOO!!!
Anel, you feel pity for men AND women. Has it ever occured to you that women are like children and want you to believe in them, to see the positiveness in them?
You are still trying to be the missionary of love. The knight in shiny armor. The savior. I see this romantic vision also in Phoenix Rivers choice of pictures.
Remember also our talk about prostitutes and the choices people make. And how Franck VDB was a “romantic lyer”, promissing the Senegalese woman to marry her and to give her a better life, referring to himself as someone mentionned every day in the Belgian newspapers.
Remember also the Armenian guy ‘Michael’ on the one hand, who fucking dated one of the stripper girls in the Charlotte bar, and who understood their psychology and the Iranian hopelessly romantic guy ‘Milan’ on the other hand, who spent 5000 USDollar last year at a stripper girl and now is making the same mistake with another Russian stripper, telling her and Michael after 15 minutes that he wants to marry her, bring her home, give her a shelter, etc etc.
No way this guy can rely with this type of women. He’s so disrespectful, and he doesn’t even realise it as he was referring (just before going to the Charlotte bar for the first time) to Maria Magdalena and how good this woman really was. His beliefs come from a good place, but he doesn’t realise that his beliefs are actually coloured and influences by his lack of seeing the woman as she really is, and the inability to connect with her, seduce her, etc.
I was also like Milan two years ago.
I tried to pull a Roumanian stripper girl (Algarve) into my world and I did the same with a Belgian lawyer girl, one that was extremely libertine.
Hansome Hyena pointed out to me that I was treatening this women like aboriginals.
And he was right!
Nowadays I try to communicate differently.
When it’s good or beautiful, I say it.
When it’s bad or ugly, I also say it, but I never give up the hope that the good part will finally overcome the bad part.
Angel, you told me that some people are intrinsicly bad.
Our opinion – belief is different at this point at it has hugh implications -consequences.
You can ponder maybe a bit about the difference between inner self and behaviour.
More about it later.
Cheers
phoenixriver // November 6, 2009 at 10:26 am |
Hey Fizz,
Thanks for this. It stings but that means some of it is true!
I agree but I do think it’s a bit exaggerated what you say. One, we haven’t been going out together that much so you don’t really know how I’ve been.
It is true though that I have a tendency to wander off. I’ve spent considerable time on this and I do believe it’s better than before. Basically, when I’m out I still like going around instead of staying in one place the whole time. It comes very natural to me, and I don’t think I should change it completely.
Because I don’t think this impedes genuine connection at all. Most people that I’m close with, I am with that way because we spend time with each other during the day, in our private lives. Not just in public time. Going out to a bar on Friday night after I’ve worked a whole week in an office with as company just my colleague, is for me a time to be with friends and meet new people. It’s not the time for me to start deep conversations with my friends – or at least, not in first instance. If it happens, it happens and I’ll be all the happier for it. But it’s not what I’m looking for on Friday nights.
My date didn’t mind me leaving her alone, and I thought she was in good company so I had no worries about her being bored
also, I know that my friends are social beings so everyone takes care of each other. The other girl is a really good friend of mine that just came back from holiday so I wanted to hear the latest from her. And her friends were interesting, so I took some time to get to know them. They weren’t stunners so you can’t say I did it to game them eh 
Basically, I don’t have the feeling I was running around trying to make any impressions or achieve something in particular. I showed my date some bars in town, introduced her to my friends (she liked you by the way, and said thanks for being so nice to her. She said you should become a standup comedian!), and danced a bit. And I met up with my friends, and introduced them to each other as well. Honestly, for me this was a really cool night where I divided my attention well. And yes, I do think it’s about dividing my attention when I’m out. Like I said, undivided attention is for during the day, or when it happens to be so during the night. Don’t you agree? I’m not saying I’m perfect at it, but it’s about the principle on which you base your interactions.
For me, it’s well-divided attention. I used to spend too much time with strangers, and not enough with my friends. Last Friday though, were all friends except the two girls with my other girl friend. So in my score book, that was pretty good
Which is where my feedback to you comes in: I think you may not have managed to convey what you wanted that night, and that that’s working through in your estimation of me. I don’t want to generalise but I do think it’s a tendency of yours to blame others for your feelings or results. When you’re talking about me ignoring you, I didn’t have that feeling at all. I was actually very conscious of you that night and spent some time talking about you to my friends, advertising you
If you want to talk to me more, please just talk to me more.
Fizmo // November 6, 2009 at 10:47 am |
I had a good time, don’t get me wrong. It was just an observation I made, when I go out with you (especially after a time I haven’t gone out with you that much) I like to hang out with you, which we did, but only for a short while.
I could understand it if you were only with that new girl, but you say a girlfriend you know came back from holiday and you wanted to know how she was doing, well it was also a long time since we spoke and I felt like I missed an oppurtinity to talk to you (a nightclub isn’t the ideal environment I know).
Could be that I blame others, I try to keep my inner state as happy as possible, I had an ok night (the girlfriend who came back from her holiday is an interesting girl, you could have told me she had a boyfriend btw :p). I will keep in mind of not trying to blame others, and talk to you at the moment if something is ‘bothering’ me.
I like to know what’s going on inside that crazy head of yours, so talk to me once in a while, you maniac :p,
See you soon
Fiz
Fizmo // November 6, 2009 at 10:48 am |
PS: Damn, I guess I should really start doing some stand up :p
phoenixriver // November 6, 2009 at 1:53 pm |
Hey guys,
I’m very appreciative for your honesty here. I love seeing your different personalities shine through and how we don’t shun being painfully honest without it turning into ego-battles. Thank you for this.
To keep the momentum, I want to say that I agree in part with Cruise when he says Angel likes to talk about ‘I’ve seen so many…’ and ‘I can’t count the times that I…’ which makes him look like some wise old man with a harem gasping admiringly up to him, while he is just a guy like us who has, as Cruise rightly remarks, probably not seen as much of all of this as he claims
I will give it to him though, Cruise, that he is way better at creating rapport in writing than you are
and isn’t storytelling part of the skill set of an interesting person? Making it human and recognisable… I think you could learn from that.
And Angel, I think you can learn from Cruise’s drive and intellect. He is able to create an ideal, something to strive towards. Maybe you miss that sometimes which is why you fall back on things that you already know, and spend time in an illustre past…
You guessed it: I’m pinning myself to the shooting post here – it’s like in rugby, once you start liking the pain there’s no stopping it
Cruise // November 6, 2009 at 2:43 pm |
I think Fizmo is saying some real meaningfull things here.
In fact he just linked a concrete situation to all the genuine theoretical talk we guys spread on the internet.
You accept his comment P.R., but then again you defend yourself.
There is a huge difference between saying: “I believe you, but here is how I see it” and “I believe you and I will pay more attention in the future because you are special to me”.
FULL STOP.
Your day and night distinction is rubbisch.
Think about it. You are just backwards rationalising why in the eve you are superficial and in the day you are intense. Give us a break!
I don’t think that Fizmo was complaining about the amount of time (the lack), but about the quality of the connection.
That you basicly gave the impression of being in a hurry, having to divide your attention … why? … because more then likely you divided your attention to play the game of chess in order to get what you want. So he was just a chess piece?
There were moments in THE GAME where me also I was playing it very hard, very focused, very selfisch. I became fucking pissed when wings in the field were commenting on my black nail pollisch, answering them that they could give me the narrow minded talk once I was out of the field.
You see the distinction you make?
Day and night?
Out field and in field?
Your friends should be your friends all the time!!!
Imagine your 4 year old daughter comes to you during a business lunch and says: “Look daddy, I cut my finger” and you tell her: “Oh, I’ll give it a quick kiss. Ok, go to mummie now. I’m sure she takes further care of you. I’m concerned. Yeah! I’m concerned!”
Hope you see my point P.R.
When you haven’t seen FRIENDS in a long time, or when they are a bit down, all the rest should fall down and you should give priority to your FRIENDS.
This is what I told to another friend of mine, Eagle.
Somehow I gave up hope that he would understand me, because I sincerely think that he has never had a real good friend for whom he jumped and vice versa.
Do you remember that time at the private boat party in Ghent near Vooruit? I was there with my cousin and suddenmy had to leave. The party wasn’t even started as we were all upper deck. I told you the emergency reason why I left, but you never even asked me about it later. I’m sure you didn’t believe me when I told you my mum just fell in the kitchen and that no-one could help her back on her feet. So you forgot the words as quickly as I spoke them. That’s how much concerned you were that eve, at least in the relation to me.
No hard feelings bro.
Serious. I’m just telling you this so you might listen more carefully when people talk to you.
Listening is a quality that few seducers really have.
When people say you talk too much, then you might have to think this over, because it could mean: “You don’t understand what I’m saying here!”
And I’m sure that sometimes you DO LISTEN to other P.R
But sometimes you don’t, like now when Fizmo sincerely checked the amount of friendship in your relation.
I have no doubt you guys are still buddies, but when my good friend would write such a thing, I would seriously think about it and how to act differently in the future, rather then giving him my vision on how I play chess.
Its plain simple: weather you agree, weather you disagree with his comment.
There is no: “yes, but”.
And if you agree, you should walk your talk.
One of the reasons why people don’t really listen, is because of a certain arrogance in them as if they have heard it already a million times and are so tired hearing it again.
Sure, we all know the theory about quality time and being genuine, but how often do we put it into practice.
Me also I expected a certain form of priority treatment when I visited you during summer at the picknick in Ghent.
But instead of inviting me to your place, you called me to change the plan, so we met directly in the parc.
No problem so far, but when I got really hungry – I originally assumed your were going to prepare me a small thing as promised – I felt stupid not having eaten in advance.
So far no problem, but when you then asked me: “What’s up Cruise? Are you ok?”
And I told you: “Yes, but I’m hungry and I want to know where we are heading”
Your answer was amazingly brutal: “Do you need some attention? If you want some attention, you just ask me.”
I could not belief my ears.
No other guy ever told me in such a “I am the price way” that I was the needy one. And it was no joke. You really wanted to make clear to me that you had THE ENERGY to offer.
I honoustly belief that you have no idea about you probably threatening ALL THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD like this, as if they have nothing to offer you. Logically you don’t wanna pay any real attention to what they say …
For you, mostly it’s all a game, especially after 6 pm. (-;
Gonna write that down, so that I won’t get dissapointed next time your look right through me.
All in respect what I’m saying here man.
I’m just pitchpointing some concrete occasions.
And again, me also I sometimes behave like this, but less and less.
Let’s all forget about chess games and celebrate this Saturday in Brussels as friends.
Cheers
Angel // November 10, 2009 at 4:54 am |
*Angel writes: “I have seen so many men who are incredibly good with women, but never seem to be happy or fulfilled. It is because they lost their soul and I pity them to be honest…”
Could you please elaborate this?*
little late but of course: first of all, let me start by saying this: I am a very empiric person. This means I learn best from experiences and not necessarily mine. Experiences that others have while I am with them tend to influence my own way of behaving for some reason.
I guess that this partly explains why I sometimes come across as ‘the old wise man’. However, I only try to help other people with it or at least point them in (what I think) is the right direction. Whether they chose it or not is ultimately their choice, no ?
Now, back to Cruise’s question: you can be very good with women by not coming from the heart as well. I spent my entire childhood (hey, you asked) with men that would LIE/CHEAT/BUY women. Yes, they would lie to their wives, fuck girls that were 20 years younger than them by telling them that they would divorce and give them all the money they want. I have seen men, no best friends, that were REAL friends for years and were still sleeping with each other wives without them knowing it. I have seen men that beat up other men to be able to leave with a girl, I have seen men drugging women to sleep with them.
Sorry of again sounding like an old men, but I wanted to illustrate that being a ladies man can also be very dangerous and you asked for it. Probably my need to ’save’ women comes from this part of my childhood.
this brings me to the second thing I want to comment about:
*To keep the momentum, I want to say that I agree in part with Cruise when he says Angel
likes to talk about ‘I’ve seen so many…’ and ‘I can’t count the times that I…’ which
makes him look like some wise old man with a harem gasping admiringly up to him,
while he is just a guy like us who has, as Cruise rightly remarks, probably not seen
as much of all of this as he claims *
Yes, PR, you are right: I have NOT seen as much as you both if you would look at the number of women I slept with. As I said, I am empiric and derive much of my character from my past. On the other hand, I have never claimed that I have slept with hunderds of women either
If you look at 10 women being the average that a man sleeps with in his life and the number 50 which in my opinion starts to be really good, I am in between.
It is strange, for some reason, you dont see many in-between guys in the ‘community’. Either they have no women in their life, or they have plenty…
But my way of treating women has given me many female friends that have been in my life for years and for which I am very grateful, while still having enough sex to not make me ‘needy’ with others.
Something (female friends) I have yet to encounter in the ‘community’ btw. Everything is so ’short term’ based: in my opinion a totally wrong attitude …
(your thoughts on this would be appreciated)
And finally, yes PR, I can learn a lot from Cruise, and from you. And I learn every time a bit more: a heartfelt thanks to you both !
ps: I will try now to stop acting like a old man
)
Angel
phoenixriver // November 10, 2009 at 8:39 am |
Hey Angel,
I’m just saying it so you could feel young again and get with 20-year-old girls
Thanks for the comment.
On having lots of female friends; I’ve been experimenting with the more passive approach lately and I must say it’s beginning to frustrate me. Yes I have girl friends and yes, I do have sex. And yes, it’s fun to go have drinks and relax with some chicks and hug and so on. Maybe I’ll even end up dating one of my girl friends.
On the other hand, I’ve been losing other girls because I’m holding back in agressivity. I’ve had it with being called a ‘player’ so I go more low-key, only for the moment it’s more dopey than low-key in my eyes. I’m losing my edge, and it doesn’t feel good.
I’m not saying I’m going back to agressive, because that isn’t perfect either. It’s that middle ground, between relaxing with girl friends and going for girl friends. Not sure if I should split those nights out, or how to combine them if I don’t.
Cruise // November 10, 2009 at 9:28 am |
Angel wrote: “Now, back to Cruise’s question: you can be very good with women by not coming from the heart as well.”
I have never said it like that Angel.
You are overinterpretating my words.
To state things clear. I don’t want you to come from another place then the heart.
And I hope you don’t see me as one of the karate clan.
I have noticed that both you and P.R. look at seduction as a two way road: the agressive masculine road and the sensual feminine road.
P.R. once told me in bar Depot that life – people – concepts of love – etc are too complicated and ingenius too label them in two or three categories.
He sometimes would like to see it that simple, as many people do, but he can’t any more because he has seen the more complex reality, so he told me then (with the Egyptian girl looking for attention at that moment).
This topic deals with convictions – beliefs – views on life.
You guys may see it black and white, but I really prefer the colourfull rainbow mentality.
Life is not always about knowing how to live in the now, but living in the mystery.
Angel, when you will do that, you will no longer quote the karate trauma. You want to see it bigger as it is, as you also idolise the Russians (more then they deserve).
There is so much more in life. Please don’t let your emperic eye be influenced and limited by the number of years under a certain regime, or the number of woman with who you slept with (why defending yourself at that point???), but by the quality of the infinite diversity.
To make this all concrete in insightfull, I would suggest you to watch “De helaasheid der dingen”.
The group of brothers have the same kind of stupid ethics about love and bromance as the karate clan. But in the movie, the youngest (and only one of the family) can detash himself from the collective family destiny and MOVE FORWARD .. alone .. but not alone.
phoenixriver // November 10, 2009 at 10:11 am |
Cruise,
Man you would be a great Chinese guy under a tree – you are a master of the opaque! You once told me that Paulo Coelho was a cold reader, I must say you’re quite the master at it yourself
Wouldn’t you agree that there is a certain polarity in all people, a continuum that vacillates between extremely masculine and agressive, and very feminine and sensitive? I would say all of us are looking for the balance between the two that fits our individual needs.
And this is just one of the aspects. Life is like a DJ mixer: every slider (of which masculine-feminine polarity is just one) represents an aspect of our personality and consequent results, and we are the composers.
I agree that this is a mysterious, ephemerical journey where nothing is clear-cut and we must let go of what we know and venture into the unknown if we are to grow and discover. As Deida says, we must look for our edge and constantly push it. Are you implying Angel and I aren’t doing that?
Fizmo // November 10, 2009 at 10:50 am |
I would say everyone needs some reference points to give form to his/her reality. Duality makes things easier to interpret and to adjust to. But reference points and realities are fluid, so let them guide your way, but realise nothing is as concrete as it seems. Look at your posts and the evolution and transformation that you made. You are clearly heading for new directions in your life, but someone with a different reality and viewpoints, might as well achieve what you have. Firm ideas, words and concepts may help you in your journey, but don’t get attached to them too much, because you’ll get dissappointed when your clearcut viewing frame is broken. But I am also pretty pragmatic, if it works, it works, but it’s more because of your firm belief in the reality and the tranquility it gives to have something to hold on too, then the belief itself, I think.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Cruise // November 10, 2009 at 11:02 am |
Hehe
Of course you guys are pushing it. I am not contesting that. Just offering an extra angle to widen it even more.
I know Angel much better then I know you Phoenix. Too bad you missed my party.
And I’m very happy that I can say the things I want to say, that he listens and takes my opinion under consideration. I guess one of the reasons why we let eachother have a look in each other’s kitchen is not because of a common history or situation that we share, but because of our common curiosity for things and people.
We are actually very different, but still we manage to create a team.
Maybe guys can not match when they are two of a kind.
As a cruiser, I realise that men’s intincts often don’t allow a second captain on one ship, but two complementary sailers with own boats can travel together on the same sea.
What I like about Angel is that he has seen my dirty loundry and still respects me.
You could compare his love with the mother love as Arno descibes it so beautifully in “les yeux de ma mère”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFYMhDytjYM
Ma mère elle m’écoute toujours
Quand je suis dans la merde
Elle sait quand je suis con et faible
Et quand je suis bourré comme une baleine
C’est elle qui sait que mes pieds puent
C’est elle qui sait comment j’suis nu
Mais quand je suis malade
Elle est la reine du suppositoire
I don’t know P.R. if you would like to establish the same kind of friendship with men and women (or if you have this already).
Or do you prefer being the champ, comparing yourself with others.
Do you get your muse “in comparison to the peeps” of “througout the peeps”?
This is also a distinction. I know.
And we can label reality as much as we want. We are free to do that. We, as Descartes said, are different from animals, because we can create things in our minds, culture, that seem to be as real to us as nature.
But these dichitomies sometimes become our ennemies, as we tend to focus on what separates us from others, rather then focussing on what connects us.
It’s good to realise that your are different during the day, then during the night.
The dichotomie has it’s use.
But then you have to make the next step and brake it down as you want to be yourself day and night.
We don’t need a DJ to hear music in our ears as we walk on the street.
Nor do we need alcohol or black lights to release the sexy beast in ourselves.
We can have it all. It’s just a matter of braking the useless walls.
Have a nice day.
phoenixriver // November 10, 2009 at 1:53 pm |
Thanks for your comments everyone.
There is much food for thought here. It calls for a plan.
My main points that I want to focus on are patience; learning to stay, to wait. Not letting my innate restlessness get the better of me. Not running away anymore. You know that I have been this restless since I was small? Always looking for something. It’s one of the most constant themes in my life.
This ties in closely with acceptance; allowing events to be as they are, and unfold as they do. Accepting the restlessness, but deciding for it, not because of it. Strengthening the present.
And being in the now. Not waiting for anything in life to be completed. To live in such a way that I am ready to die, now.
I’m saying I will focus on it, not that I will be like this from now on
but I will go for this beyond the point of ridiculousness. No doubt my mind will be screaming for action and change. Let’s see what happens 
Cruise // November 10, 2009 at 3:19 pm |
Good that you name your goals.
Now try to apply them as you suggest in your everyday life.
You will get the most out of it when you apply them in the area’s where you least expect it.
Another thing: those 3 goals can be summarised to one goal if you analyse it honoustly. Or maybe we have another definition of living in the now.
I’ll explain: when you manage to live in the now, patience will no longer be an issue, nor will acceptance be an issue as living in the now = accepting what is.
phoenixriver // November 10, 2009 at 3:32 pm |
Hey Cruise, you’re right. I did it consciously; it helps me to split them out as there is a difference in each one of them, at least for me, in practice. I’ll practice patience when I’m going out, so I stay with my company and not go looking for things. Acceptance when things don’t go according to plan. And being in the now when I’m thinking too much about what I would like instead of doing it
But basically, it’s the same process.
Angel // November 11, 2009 at 2:45 am |
wow,
this is becoming a really interesting thread right now:
some of my reactions to some of your comments:
from PR:
* Maybe I’ll even end up dating one of my girl friends.*
as long as you are wanting/expecting/hoping an outcome from a friendship, it is of course doomed. I dont think it is what you meant though. But female friends are not meant to experiment with. Its about enjoying the time you spend with them: its about the journey, not the destination as they say.
*I’m losing my edge, and it doesn’t feel good.*
then I would suggest you stop it now: if it doesnt feel good to you, why do it ? As Deida says: always listen to your gut feeling. So what if women think your a player ? If that is really who you are, then be a player, I’d say.
For Cruise:
*I have noticed that both you and P.R. look at seduction as a two way road: the agressive masculine road and the sensual feminine road.*
its not that: its more a masculine and feminine essence, not road. the road we take can be both masculine and feminine at times. I would really suggest you read Deida’s book, it explains this all much better then I ever could. feel free to pick it up at my house or I’ll bring it over soon.
*You guys may see it black and white, but I really prefer the colourfull rainbow mentality.*
this is simply beautifully put and so true, thanks for that !!
*You want to see it bigger as it is, as you also idolise the Russians (more then they deserve).*
Here your a bit off: as I have told you many times before, I dont idolise anyone (nor have I ever done). I look up to Russian people because a lot of the values they have, are lost in our Western world. Do I think they have no faults ? Of course not: simply look at their behaviour when your on vacation
)
*I guess one of the reasons why we let each other have a look in each other’s kitchen is not because of a common history or situation that we share, but because of our common curiosity for things and people.*
So true and I could not have ever come up with a better definition. So few people are brutally honest with each other these days. To have friends that speak the truth to you is priceless as we ALL have the tendency to sugarcoat our feelings to one another.
Yet, I strongly believe that you will learn a lot more from the ‘lesser’ sides of your character so you can work on them
You have my respect Cruise, inspite of the fact that we butt heads sometimes, but as you said: two captains who have their own ships can sail to the farthest horizons together !
Thanks again for the kind words Cruise, they went straight to my heart !
love
Angel
Cruise // November 12, 2009 at 9:33 am |
We butt heads sometimes ..
Chrr chrr … chrr chrr .. hey Beavis
http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-content/images/bb9.gif
Cool dude!
P.S. When I say that you idolise/look up to the Russians, it’s because I have heard you talk about them already so many times .. also in sets. So I assume you kind off identify with them which I can understand in a way as you described so wonderfully the family warmth and you collaping by the love and the vodka at the dinner table.
But the reason why I’m pointing this out is because, as I told you, you give people the wrong impression that you have nothing personal or typically Belgian to offer when you always refer to them.
P.S. Do you think Nathalie talks that much about the Belgians?
And again, there are for sure similarities, as Sting said in the cold war time … “I hope the Russians love their children too.”
But in this soul searching quest – which is totally different from what I call The Game (a search for women) – we constantly have to meet other people, other nations, etc (the infinite diversity) in order to fully understand our own core essence. To see the commonalities and also the differences. That’s really fucking interesting if you ask me. And my number one reason why I got in “The Game”. Hunting for women is a zero risk opportunity to build up enough pain and leverage to penetrate the social conditioned walls that prevent you to off being yourself.
And refering to a nation, rather then defining who YOU really are, (speaking from the I or me or us perspective) is not yet the degree of self love and self acceptance that I wish you with all my hearth.
A discuter
Angel // November 12, 2009 at 11:53 am |
*P.S. Do you think Nathalie talks that much about the Belgians?*
Of course she does, I’m special
)