Partnering up + I mean it

OK two things. One: I’ve noticed that I feel a lot better, natural and relaxed, when I have a partner. Which is logical. I don’t need to worry about someone loving me, getting laid… even though of course there is maintenance and energy to invest into it. But with that investment comes huge peace of mind when meeting other people, in fact it’s the exact peace of mind that you need to be successful. This is ‘the scent’ that guys with girlfriends have (or the needy, scared smell they don’t have). You could actually say it’s a smell, as nervous people have a different sweat that isn’t consciously perceived but that works through in the unconscious. Like dogs smell when you’re scared.

Of course there is the issue of whether or not to cheat on your girlfriend with all this fantastic peace of mind and natural wit. I leave it to you to figure out how you want to deal with that conundrum: having super powers that you can’t morally use, or not having them and having to pretend you do (like faking experience to get a job), or finding ways to resource yourself continually, by yourself. I’ve been single for a year now and I can say that I’m a lot better than before at feeling good about myself being single – thank god for my friends, my work situation, my family, my hobbies, my plans and goals… – but even with all that stuff, it’s still not the same (to me at least) as having that one special girlfriend that’ll tell you daily how great you are and prove it to you between the sheets – ain’t no beating Mother Nature’s traditional way of getting by in life and yes, this means I’m still ego dependent and not a completely independent being that lives in the NOW and can see beyond form-constraints. Show me anyone halfway cool who isn’t; really.

Another thing that I want to give to you, just a little useful thing that I’ve noticed myself doing. I didn’t used to do this, but I guess somewhere along the way with the whole inner game thing and not being reactive, it kind of clicked into place and felt good. So here goes. When I’m talking to someone, I really mean anything I say. Even if I’m talking the biggest bullshit like the temperature of the pool or the prices of gas, I’m not saying shit just to make conversation. I’m talking about some deep shit here yow! Check the difference: I’m not waiting for any validation from anyone. I’m not waiting to see how they’ll react. In fact, a lot of times when I’m talking shit people will give me this look like ‘is he for real or is he kidding me with this bullshit?’ upon which I’ll look them dead pan in the eye and either just look at them in silence, or launch deeper into the subject thereby convincing them that yes, this guy is for real and yes, there is actually a reason I’m saying all this. Funny and beautiful thing is, any drivel that pops into your head always has some reason of being there – call it divine inspiration, flow of consciousness… another thing about it is that it’s always connected to some deeper source, motivation or insight within you. Trick is to discover what that is – and that is how to take a conversation deeper in, like, seconds! without even having to try. Thank the Lord for the path of least resistance…

Like the temperature of the pool. It might be a bit cold, which reminds me that I had a throatache last week and I had to stay indoors for two days. How sucky is that? I hate being sick, I’m a terrible sick person, I get all grumpy and self-pitying… I never used to be sick before. I wonder if it’s my lifestyle – I don’t cook enough anymore and I go out too much – or just the general environment that’s getting dirtier… What do YOU think?

And then there’s this hilarious blog Nouvelle discovered: gotta love an intelligent asshole on a rampage :p

Selective flirting

When I first started consciously approaching the ‘human mating endeavour’ as I fondly call it today, with the Game, I approached pretty much everyone, taking a step backwards in value and valuing others. As time progressed I got better in dealing with random people, which has been an enormous asset to me. So I’m grateful to have done that as it opened up my eyes to the riches of people I wouldn’t even have considered before. It showed me a new way of looking at people. It’s like with a decent amount of experience with people, you start ’smelling’ their value, the colour of their character so to speak. Do you know what I mean?

I used to and still do have fixed stereotypes and images of people I meet, but they used to be a lot cruder than they are today. Seeming nerds can be very cool people, beautiful people can be empty. I knew this before, and more and more I’m seeing it, sensing it when I just look at people. A very cool thing. I also think it’s a riches thing. If you feel confident and rich in life, you start seeing the people that feel less confident. In phases when I’m less confident, it’s like panic blinds me from seeing into people. When I’m confident, I see.

Which leads me to the next point. When going out, I’ve started being more selective. I do still need to warm up, in any situation, day or night. Saying hello to strangers is still something I do just because it gets me open and receptive, as well as energetic and flowing with social energy. I guess you could call it ’state’. I don’t really worry about it being there, if it isn’t then it just isn’t and I’ll talk to my friends. But when it is, I’ve now started selecting the people I want to talk to. It’s not conscious like ‘this looks like a valuable person, let’s go and see what I can get’. It’s more instinctive curiosity.

And here, finally, I begin to see the connection between community and real life, and how my progress in the one is translating into the real world. I used to be curious about people but not know how to approach them, or when I did it I’d tend to be a bit awkward, often overbearing to hide my nervousness. Getting blown out a lot and talking to lots of people has granted me a kind of calmness that I can now use to talk to those people that tickle my appetite!

I also read an article where they talked about everyday flirting, like talking to your colleagues and teasing them a bit, laughing to people, and seduction, and how they’re different but that flirting in its essence is a great skill. So all you pimp ass daddies out there, keep flirting, in your own human way. It’s a great thing to do, and many of the techniques in the community can be helpful to learning to be more natural.

One more thing, about being yourself or your best self. I tend to say ‘myself’ again but in the sense that what’s been lying dormant within me is coming out. I’m de-veloping myself, uncoiling. And this feels very myself, which is a completely different thing from just lamely accepting the limitations I’d been placing upon myself and holding myself back, and making an identity out of that. You see the difference? Of course you do

Feels good to write a ‘thank you seduction community’ article for once. I see many guys getting these insights and turning away from a community they invested in heavily for months and years. This doesn’t seem right to me; there are definitely weird things in the community, but turning your back on weird things you did isn’t going to make you less weird because you’ve realised it. It’s a maturing process, and every phase has its use. So al you ‘recovering PUAs’, be proud of what you did. Even the stupid, sleazy pickup lines and routines you learned by heart – it all served to teach you a lesson many will never learn. Well done! Yay

Tired

I’m so tired. Tired of wanting, of craving, of finding it unfair that these beautiful, great women aren’t with me. Tired of wondering what the fuck I need to do to be with someone that I truly love. I know all the answers, but guess what, no-one is coming along or I’m not doing it right. And I see plenty of others not doing it right and still ‘getting the girl’. I’m also tired of wanting to ‘get the girl’. I hate giving up, it serves no purpose. But I’m sick of trying, sick of fighting, sick of putting effort into finding what I want and how to get it. It’s the beginning of summer and I don’t feel like going through it alone again, going out late, looking around… I just want to chill and have a good time, be with my friends and someone I love, and forget about all the rest.

What I’m also tired of, is knowing that this is a phase, that it will pass and that when I finally get what I want it’ll probably be when I’m already tired of what I wanted and I want something else. And so the story continues…

I don’t always run behind on my schedule like this but lately, it just feels like it. As I’ve done many times before in this situation, I’m letting go. Come what may. No more wondering if this is what I want or what I should do, does it feel right? I don’t really feel like having a girlfriend unless loving her makes me forget about the others. That’s not happening to me for the moment, and I’m tired of wanting others and tired of wanting to meet someone that makes me forget about the others. It’s an eternal trap that I’m stepping out of – I don’t want either anymore (like a little disgruntled boy eh)…

See you soon.