Significance basedness

Sorry about not writing for so long, and apologies that when I do, it’s not even original content

The main reason I haven’t been writing much is that I’m kind of sick of the whole ‘game’ thing. I really believe in improving myself and reaping the subsequent rewards from it in my daily life. But the deliberation of it gets to me. Allow me to explain. When I think back on how I was thinking when I was interacting with people in the mindset of the PUA, it feels a bit icky. Because while they’re having a great time meeting me, a lot of times I was thinking functionally (or at least partly, I’m not a machine). Now this is not all bad; having an outcome isn’t necessarily bad. And it gave me the direction I was lacking before when I was sucking with women, or didn’t know what I want and just was all over the place.

I think the main changes for me have been 1) to realise I don’t need a reason to be happy, I don’t need to achieve anything before I can be grateful to be alive – and all the implications and habits this entails; 2) that when I know what I want and get it really clear to myself what it is, exactly, I’m pretty sure of getting it; and 3) it’s not about one specific result, it’s about a general result. I see it as a drag-net: when you live a certain way with certain attitudes that are geared towards a specific goal, the results of that way of living will manifest themselves without your deliberate aim at one specific thing. As in, if your interactions with women are directed towards befriending them and seeing if they’re relationship material for you, that’s not only going to give different results from playing them for sex (which is also fine if you choose for it), but you will make girl friends, and you will find someone that is relationship material! No specific actions required, just the mindset and whatever flows from that mindset. Watch out: you may have to learn some things; about yourself, your fears and limitations, and maybe even some skills like recognising and talking about your feelings, being able to hold a conversation with strangers, etcetera. I guess the better you are at these things and the more you know yourself, the easier it becomes.

And that’s why I haven’t been writing much, because I’ve been switching between mindsets. I realised at some point that I wasn’t going to meet my next girlfriend by playing the girls that are open to casual sex; it’s another market, another way of living. So while this shift has been happening, I’ve had nothing to say really

Here’s something about valuing yourself, what I was saying in point 1) above. From Tyler Durden, still one of my favourite guys out there for his clarity and positiveness. Enjoy!

The way that you perceive the world is in part a reflection of the way that you perceive yourself.

Although everyone is different, the best guys that I’ve seen in the field usually have certain qualities.

One of the big ones that I’ve noticed is that they are happy people. Internally, they are in a position where they value
themselves enough that they are ready to offer value to others.

You guys might have seen the “Wishing you the best that you deserve” thing in Geoff’s tagline when he posts. I remember when
I first saw that last year, I thought it was retarded.

But over time I realized that it was really who he was, and that that was the energy that he wanted to put out there. It was
actually a part of his success with women, too.

I’ve watched these guys over a long period of time, and learned a lot from them. Even back when they were first starting, it was
obvious that they were going to be good because they were the types of guys who had the right energy.

Because of that, if they just learned a few tactics then they would get good almost instantly. When they open a group, the
girls can feel that energy from them immediately. They’re drawn to it.

I’ve really come to believe that when a guy has a positive outlook of himself and the world, it totally comes across to the
girls.

When a guy comes to the community feeling bad about himself and the world, no amount of tactics is going to mask it. But he’ll
want tactics, because its easier to look at it that way rather than to admit that he has to work on his thinking patterns.

When a guy does not have any value to offer himself, his knee-jerk reaction will be to find reasons to be skeptical
about others or to demean them down to his level. His sense of value is weak, and so if he were to acknowledge value in others
it would cause him to feel bad about himself.

A guy with a strong sense of value knows how hard it is to cultivate that, and will appreciate it in others. His knee-jerk
reaction will be to see the good in people.

Now some guys reading this will have the knee-jerk response, “Well I’m a critical thinker, and I don’t buy everyone’s
bullsh!t!”

I understand that, and I’m not suggesting that at all.

What I’m saying, rather, is that in the end of the day if a guy is bullshit then that is their problem, and not yours. Every
person has *something* good that you can learn from, so if you’re open to seeing it then you’ll learn at least something
from it.

So for a guy to be positive, that doesn’t mean that he worships a guy. It just means that its so obvious that he would never
worship a guy, that he doesn’t need to reinforce it to himself over and over to prevent himself from doing it.

He’s a cool guy himself, and can appreciate other people from a position of non-neediness.

Back when I was first trying to establish a sense of value for myself, I would see a celebrity and my first reaction would be
to say something like “You know, I’m not intimidated by him just because he’s in the movies. He’s still a human being!”

Notice its the *first* thing that comes out of my mouth, out of all the infinite things I could notice and comment on. Was that
*really* how I felt about the guy? And moreover, shouldn’t the fact that he’s just a human being go without saying?

Likewise, I’d be thinking about what kind of pranks I could play on him. It would never occur to me to just roll up and be cool,
and that he would want to be cool with me in return. Rather, I could get interaction with him through some means that would
shelter me from being rejected if I interacted from a position of just being myself.

Since then, I’ve worked on myself. And when I see a celeb, I might actually give props. What’s interesting though, is that
like many aspects of the game it is cyclical.

Chode: “Oh god, I worship this guy.”

Recovering Chode: “I’m not intimidated.. He’s not all that.”

Cool Guy: “Cool, this guy has done some great stuff. Props to the guy for working hard.”

Just because I give props, doesn’t imply that I’m intimidated. I’m not shreiking and asking for an autograph. I’m just
recognizing the dude is a cool guy and saying what’s on my mind.

Me giving props is a demonstration that I can see something that took hard work, and that I am secure enough with myself not to
have to be in control of the frame 100% of the time.

It so happens, that when I meet celebrities when I’m out, they sometimes invite me to come and hang with them. The reason they
do that, is because I offer value by joking around and shooting the shit. Not because I try to demean them.

If I want to come at a guy who is cool, and he’s a celeb so the situation is obvious that I want to talk to him because of
something that I know going in, then I don’t try to overcompensate by demeaning.

I just come at the guy like “What’s up bro.. Cool sh!t..” on a verbal level. On a non-verbal level, I’m just as cool. I’m laid
back, just chilling, having a good time.

Cool people pick up on this stuff. I have to trust my body language and mannerisms to do the work for me, without having to
tip the scales verbally. I’m always amazed at how well it works.

Me showing that I think he’s cool is almost like me saying that I think that of myself. It’s in the sub-communication.

It’s like a balance between demeaning and worshipping. It’s in the middle. It’s called BEING NORMAL. Being normal means giving
props if its deserved without being a fanboy. A cool guy is secure with himself to give props.

The same goes when guys interact with girls, or anyone of higher value. Many guys that I meet from the community are defensive
around girls. They’ll use cocky lines in a way where they’re sheltering their real personality. They’ll bust on girls in ways
that aren’t funny. It is very transparent.

If you can think back to any times that you did this, try next time giving a girl props on something you think is cool about
her. You won’t lose value. If you’re coming from the right place and not just seeking a reaction, then she’ll just think you’re
a cool guy who says what’s on his mind.

One thing that a friend of mine noted to me when he came into the community (at the time he making observation as a guy who was an outsider, before we brought him in from the Tony Robbins organization), was that it draws a certain type of person.

That is, “Significance based”.

Most of us are drawn to this stuff not because we woke up and decided that we want to go bang hundreds of girls. Some of us,
sure. But not most of us.

The majority of people who waded through all the manuals and guides and learned the culture of “pickup” did so because of
the drive to feel significant. By conquering their issue with girls, they thought they could feel significant.

So along those lines, here is a thought:

When significance based guys meet each other in the field, it is very common that they’ll find ways to lower each other as a
way to feel significant. They’ll be like “This guy wasn’t all that.”

I used to do this myself. I remember meeting one of my idols, and thinking he wasn’t all that and that he wasted my time.
What was interesting, was that in hindsight, it’s obvious to me now that he was a really cool guy.

He wasn’t coming there to impress me. He was coming to have a good time and offer value in that sense.

The negative energy that I was projecting was weirding him out, and making him feel uncomfortable. I chose to see in him what I
unconsciously perceived in myself. We weren’t building a vibe together that we could just throw onto the girls.

We were building a vibe where I was making him feel like he was qualifying himself, and like whatever he did was to impress me.

So the guy not going and blowing up sets was a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you feel all uncomfortable from some needy guy
draining you, its hard to turn around and create a vibe with a girl that she’ll be drawn to.

Nobody is “all that.” There are just guys who work hard to improve themselves, and they have varying levels of success.
And some of these guys, believe it or not, are doing really well. In order for a person to see it and learn from it though,
you have to be able see the good in yourself first.