I’m in love

So yesterday I met up with one of the girls I really like, the one I thought I fucked up with when I wrote top notching, Patience and messing up. The reason I hooked up with her is that she unexpectedly dropped into my party on Friday! With her boyfriend… They’d just come from Paris and she came straight to the party from the train – not the thing you do after three days of love, no? Anyway, they’ve only been together for a short while so it’s not rock solid. We had a good talk, I also drifted around the party so as not to be too clingy. We texted a bit on Saturday, and I sent her a text on Sunday, to which she didn’t reply.

So yesterday (Tuesday), it was great weather and I thought it would be perfect to go for a drink at the Graslei, in Gent. I asked a girl friend of mine what to do, and she told me to get my balls from the floor and invite her. So I did thanks Nounours And she said she’d come! I was amazed.

So I was there, talking to a girl friend I met there. That comforted me a bit, as I didn’t have to wait and I could social proof myself a bit. She showed up, smiling. I was deadly nervous. But I pulled it together, watched my body language, yanked her chain a bit, got to know her… It was very good. I’d met up with a friend of mine to have some kind of time restraint, so the friend duly showed up and after some slightly awkward three-way my muse went home. I spent the rest of the evening regretting that time constraint, I ended up watching a movie with the friend because I couldn’t think about anything else but the girl.

So I texted her, told her that I like her. I know – I’ve broken so many ‘rules’ on this path it’s not even funny. On the other hand, there’s so many rules out there that you can pretty much decide – be authentic, play it cool… I decided for authentic and letting her know. I don’t really expect her to respond (immediately) or burst out with the same, but I also don’t want to walk around with it, holding it inside. She can know that I like her, and I think she knows I’ll get on with life if she doesn’t reciprocate.

So now I need to get on with the rest of my life which is kind of hard. Yesterday, my heart was beating like a mad drum, just crazy. In summary, I’m SO proud of myself that I went for it, and that I actually had a drink with a girl that six months before, seemed like an unattainable goddess. Whatever happens, at least I went for it and I’ll have learned a good lesson on the different aspects of our meeting.

What I did great:

- I met a girl friend and sat with her, so I was comfortable when she arrived, and I could drop her into my world instead of the other way around (she adapted beautifully by the way).
- I teased her, didn’t go into her too much.
- I didn’t give her all my attention, all the time.
- I let the silences be when they came.
- I listened to her, and kept my own talking short.
- I didn’t try to be anything I wasn’t, I stayed honest even when it wasn’t especially charming.
- I gave attention to and took care of her dog.
- I paid for her drink but said that she could then pay for the next.

What I think I could possibly have done better:

- I could have oversold my job a bit more – it didn’t make a great impression while it’s actually really exciting! I will develop a fixed line to describe my job, as now it kind of stands or falls with the listener.
- I could have decided not to let my friend come and stay with her longer. There was no real reason to use the time constraint (except that she also tried to call a friend so I wanted to do the same, kind of show her that I have a life too :p)
- I could have sat still a bit more, I was shifting around all the time.
- I still stand behind sending the text afterwards (with my feeling), but it could turn out it was not a useful thing to do.