7 tips for better relationships

This article from the Positivity Blog just sums it all up. This is one to print off and read every day! To me, every point is like the summary of a key area to give attention to in relationships. I’m gonna get these down!

**BEGINNING**

How to Improve Your Relationships: 7 Awesome Tips from the Last 1900 Years

“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”
Anthony Robbins

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one”
C.S Lewis

I think the Tony Robbins quote above is pretty accurate. The quality of your relationships – no matter in what form they may exist – obviously has a huge impact on your life. But what can we do to create new relationships and improve our existing ones?

Well, here are 7 timeless tips that people have used throughout the ages. Hopefully you’ll find something useful.

1. Be open to new people.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
Anais Nin

It’s easy to get comfortable with what you have and what you know. It feels familiar and safe. But being open to new meetings and being open in those meetings can also be a great thing.

One of the best and quickest ways to grow and experience new things is simply to meet new people with an open mind. You may feel some inner resistance before the meeting, but just like when you don’t feel like going to the gym it’s a good thing to not take that feeling too seriously. It’s there because it makes it easier for you in the short run and because it keeps things as they are. But just ignoring it and going ahead anyways is oftentimes much more rewarding.

2. Be wary of building walls.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”
Joseph F. Newton Men

The ego wants to divide your world. It wants to create barriers, separation and loves to play the comparison game. The game where people are different compared to you, the game where you are better than someone and worse than someone else. All of that creates fear. And so we build walls. But putting up walls tends to in the end hurt you more than protect you.

So how can you start building bridges instead? One way is to choose to be curious about people. Curiosity is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear.

Another is to start to see yourself in other people. To get that there is no real separation between you and other people.

That may sound vague. So one practical suggestion and thought you may want to try for a day is that everyone you meet is your friend.

Another one is to see what parts of yourself you can see in someone you meet.

3. Learn to like yourself.

”It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself you might as well get some satisfaction out of the relationship.”
Norman Vincent Peale

Love yourself, but not too much

As Peale says, you will have to spend a lot of time with yourself so you might as well make it pleasant. This is also important because how you feel about yourself is often how people will tend to treat you. If you like yourself then that comes through via your body language, voice tonality and words. You will, for example, send out positive and confident signals. Two things that people generally like and appreciate in other people.

How do you learn to like yourself? Well, that seems to be a challenge with many answers.
But one of the most important things is to do what you feel is the right thing to do consistently. When you think and act as you would like and at least go for what you want – even though you may fail from time to time – you tend to feel good about yourself. You live in alignment with what you think is right. You are being “the best you”.

Another thing is to some way down the road realize that adding more to yourself will never be enough. It’s just the voice of the ego wanting more, more, more! It’s like trying to fill up a bucket with hole in it.

A far better mindset is that you are already complete. This makes you feel good about yourself and gives you more emotional stability. What you add to your life – people, gadgets, food – can bring great experiences but you are already complete. This mindset allows you to stop chasing “the next thing” for the rest of your life.

However, to be able to take such a mindset seriously you may have to chase things and people for a while longer. When the suffering has become enough, when you’ve tried over and over again without finding what you look for then that is often the right time. The time when you open up to trying a new perspective. When you have suffered enough you will often take the leap and change.
You can read more about this in books by Eckhart Tolle like A New Earth and Stillness Speaks.

4. Your relationships are in your mind.

“As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.”
Wayne Dyer

“It is not he who reviles or strikes you who insults you, but your opinion that these things are insulting.”
Epictetus

Perception - it's all in the mind

How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge difference. So much of our relationships may be perceived to happen out there somewhere.

But as mentioned in tip #2 in this article, your underlying frame of mind – do you build bridges or walls? – will determine much about your interactions both new people and people you know.

So you really have to go inside. You have to realize that your interpretations from the past are interpretations. Not reality. You have to take a look at your assumptions and expectations and thought habits. Find patterns that may be hurting you (and others). This isn’t easy. Or always pleasant. You may discover that you have had some negative underlying habits of thought for many years.
But to change you have to do it. Instead of just keep looking at yourself as some sort of unmoving and objective observer of the world and reality. A change in you could – over time – change your whole world.

5. Give value instead of the other way around.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”
Anthony Robbins

How to add value to a relationship

As mentioned above, it’s useful to like yourself and see yourself as already complete. Otherwise you may go chasing new relationships to get that kick of feeling good over and over again. When you on the other hand like yourself, you spend less of your focus on what you can take and more on what you can give. The desperate craving to get more, more, more and fill yourself up isn’t there anymore.

Creating a habit of giving value in your everyday life and in your relationships is pretty awesome. And it’s something anyone can start to develop today. Some of the things you can do to give value are:

• Bringing a positive attitude and vibe into interactions.
• Offering useful advice or knowledge to someone.
• Giving a genuine compliment.
• Just offering a listening ear to someone who needs it.
• Cheering someone up.
• Hugs.
• Helping someone out with moving, cooking, cleaning up etc.
• Taking the lead and creating a fun situation for your friends such as a picnic or a night out on the town.
• Being totally present in conversation and focused on the other person.

It’s important to do this without hidden agendas. If you do something just to get something back that often shines through. A genuine compliment is powerful because you really and honestly mean it. It backfires when you are just out to get something from the other person.

But of course, people who give a lot of value tend to get a lot of value back. In the long run things tend to even out and you get what you give.

6. Share with someone.

“Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”
Swedish Proverb

Simple but easy to forget sometimes. Sharing makes life and relationships a lot more fun. And your hard times at least a bit easier.

7. Genuineness is the key.

“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.”
Leo F. Buscaglia

I think that one of the most important things in a relationship of any kind is to be genuine. Few things are as powerful as genuine communication and letting the genuine you shine through. Without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness.

It’s you to 100%.

It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication – on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.

Being your authentic self – the one where you build bridges, the one where your ego is not running the show and trying to get something from someone – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuineness and people really like authenticity.

**END**

Sundays in bed

Went out with Haya and some other friends yesterday. Had a great time, he’s such a cool dude for his age! We went out with a good friend of mine, J., and two German guys that were visiting. We started in a jazz bar with A Chouffe beer, and ended in the Charlatan sitting at the hearth outside with rum and cokes. Talking with each other and the people present, getting numbers like it’s the most normal thing in the world – which it is, when you think of it! No rules, no obligation to do anything, just pure fun feeling and flowing. I instinctively started talking to some girls, loose, free. Not expecting anything but the interaction itself, moving it forward effortlessly and without attachment. It was beautiful. Just did what came naturally, and allowing myself to do that felt really, really good.

I slept over at E’s, a girl I’ve known for years and have been on and off with sporadically, and who I met up with at the Charlatan. About E.: I’ve known her for ages but only see her every two years or so. It seems we’re really beginning to understand each other with age. I can let myself flow with her, be myself. Funny eh, the one day I’m moaning about how I want a meaningful emotional connection, the next week it’s on here. This is why I’m glad I’m writing this down, so I can actually track the miracle of the universe I didn’t ask for an LTR, and it isn’t. Our agreement is loose and based on respect and basically knowing we can count on each other for good company, whenever appropriate. In other words, exactly what I wanted.

On the other hand, I’m not taking care of myself physically. I do sports, but in the weekends when I go out I’ve been smoking, and drinking copiously. I don’t get piss drunk, just slightly over tipsy. One side of me says it’s just bla bla see here I go again, looking for something to improve. I think this is kind of the disease: always wanting to improve. It’s good enough as it is. I don’t have to do anything. And when the moment comes where I have to make the choice to smoke or not, that’s when I should question my motives and resolve. Or at least, that’s what I will experiment with now. Living in the now.

Things that I’ve observed about myself so far:

- I’m vain and I love it.
- I like being stroked.
- I love my friends and hanging around with them.
- If I act differently, people around me act differently. If I want to defuse a situation, all I need to do is defuse myself.
- I’m probably difficult to talk to for some people, because I have a tendency to direct the conversation and I like to hear myself speak. This can be good sometimes, and annoying at others.

And so on. Many masks have been pulled from me the last few days, and I’ve managed to let them float away. I’ve also forgotten about them. I still don’t really have answers, but I feel lighter. Like the answers aren’t needed, and my system has understood that.

Going out alone

I had a special night yesterday. Forgot my key, hooked up with my flatmate in a club I hadn’t been in ages. Didn’t feel at all like talking to strangers, and I didn’t know anyone there. It didn’t really bother me not to talk to anyone but I did feel the sting of the drive. A voice inside me was constantly saying ‘don’t just stand there, do something! What are you here for?’ and so on. Every time I did talk to someone, just casually, pinpointing my mistakes. Needless to say I was in my head a lot, on the other hand I also managed to just let it go, and enjoy just being present. I think I made every imaginable mistake in the book, but I didn’t really care. The voice inside me was saying: ‘Wtf are you doing?! Get out there!’ but I didn’t want to. I watched the possibilities as they passed, felt their urge, and shrugged.

It leaves me with a weird aftertaste today; did I do the right thing? I think it’s the fear of liberating myself from a discipline I imposed on myself. On the one hand, it’s great to be able to question myself. On the other, I’m leaving the path and not being consistent with my goals. Oh yeah, the goals. Guess I don’t really have those etched out. So this is how I choose to look at this night: as an assessment of what happens if I don’t do anything, if I just am. It was imperfect, and it feels like I’m losing, but I did get some insight. I won’t make any conclusions yet; this is my logbook of the storm, not the aftermath.

What now?

So I’ve given up on the playboy lifestyle. Or have I? Let’s put it this way: I’m contemplating. Still contemplating. Letting feelings and thoughts run through me, and then letting them go.

I just spent two days with my ex’s mother – which meant two days thinking of my ex, combined with assisting a team coaching and being very attentive to people’s needs. It went well, but I felt myself drifting off. Also, I started wondering why on earth I’d ever broken up with a girl that loved me. I watched a video of her at my place, and understood again. But only afterwards. After I’d come home, played some squash, showered, made some calls. Grounded. Re-called.

Here’s another funny concept: realities. Drift into one and the part of me I call ‘me’ is gone, my identity relative. It feels like there is no identity, only situational adaptation with predefined flexibilities. I’m very flexible, always more. It bends, cracks, breaks, tears. I disappear. And reappear, as something else, and still the same. Funny feeling. Try it sometime

So how does someone that constantly shapeshifts make goals? Create a life around himself? Is it all about making choices and sticking to them? Maybe I’m just a lazy bum with too much time to think. Then again, having time for myself is incredibly healing. All these conflicting visions – I’m like an attic picked up by a giant and being shaken around. And something inside me says: ‘Yes!’

Another thing: when I go out, being social and having fun is a means to an end. If I didn’t do it with the aim of getting girls, I probably wouldn’t do it, or not half as well. In fact, I’ve put this to the test. I did meet girls, but within my comfort zone and limitations. So I’m not really meeting the amazing women I dream about here. No French models or famous writers so far ;p and I’m not sure if I want that in any case.

Dear reader, you are the witness of an absence of identity. This is not an identity crisis – I feel perfectly fine. I’m wondering whether or not I should ‘invent’ a new one, as I feel so able to create any which one I like. Maybe that’s just a vain illusion? If not: having choice in identity, like with women, makes any choice irrelevant. Like with Gods: if there’s more than one absolute God, none of them is real. So what is real? What is left when you take away the circumstantial? I feel like a scruffy philosophy student trying to sound deep but here we are. It feels the same way as knowing when to be silent: when there’s no immediate, perfect answer that jumps out at you, just shut up and let things work for you. Which is what I’ll do, I’ll shut up

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Another weekend of madness – Of success and sadness

Went to Brussels last Saturday. J., a good friend of mine, invited me to accompany him to a dinner he’d been asked for at a girl’s place he’d met that week. We took the train, played some chess, chilled. Arrived at her place. Present were three girls, of which two sisters, and a guy who used to be the sisters’ roommate. To make a long story short, we were immediately at ease, and ended up staying for hours, eating and drinking wine, discussing everything from politics to sex and relationships. Fantastic people, and so refreshing to find new people that I get along with. J. felt the same, and we both walked out of there with a blush and a smile. Our hopes in humanity restored – or rather, refreshed, as I don’t think either of us is a hardcore cynic. But our love for the world gets covered up sometimes, a shiny and bright resolve gradually faded out by grains of small disappointment.

Our brightness dimmed, covered in sand

So all aflare with hope and glory we set out to the home party we were attending, accompanied by now by T., another friend of ours. The three of us are at least partly Einzelgängers, loners that move through the world, observe and try to figure out when and how to participate. With increasing success of course, which makes an advanced Einzelgänger into a mild sociopath

Anyway – fun party, cool people, magical atmosphere. I left at three, inebriated, and slept over at a girlfriend’s place. We had a great time, became really intimate, slept in, had breakfast, stared into each other’s eyes, the works (read my post ‘Short thoughts‘). It’s like anytime I decide I want a certain thing (in this case it was emotional connection), it happens. And here’s the really funny thing: every time I get what I want, after the initial rush of satisfaction fades, I become a bit sad. Maybe I leave behind a piece of the yearner-identity that I held onto for so long, every time I consciously achieve what seemed so elusive before. Or I realise that here doesn’t lie ‘Fulfillment’. Maybe this sadness is a reminder that bliss is within me, and that every hidden excuse for finding it elsewhere will always ultimately lead to disappointment.

So another milestone – it seems they go flashing by as I go on this winding path of discovery and adventure. Off to a two-day seminar with my ex’s mother tonight – that’ll be another interesting one…

My goals for the moment? Angel’s comments about the phases of being single seem to be clicking in here – I’m moving into phase six, or at least inexorably towards it. I noticed that when I look at really good-looking girls, whereas before I would have felt like they were ‘technically out of my league’, now I just feel like I want to get to know them, get close to them, love them. It’s different. I don’t want to conquer them anymore, just discovery is more than enough. I like this vibe, and I intend to act upon it. My goal, then, is to get in contact with those ladies that truly inspire me. And yes, I admit, that implies I’ve been playing Minor League Love Ball so far. Guess I wasn’t ready for the big stuff… or whatever. The danger being, like Angel noted, of falling for one and having to start all over. Here I cite Pook wisdom when I say I’ll make sure I have a backup chick.

Let me know what you think! Am I missing anything?

I don’t feel particularly good about myself today. Went out for the first time in a while, and could feel the desire, and at the same time fear, mount. Of course, it’s an illusion to think that I’d not go out for two weeks and then walk in like the king. Or is it? It’s the same feeling as taking a break: I suddenly feel like I’m nowhere, and that’s not the feelings someone who really IS that guy he’s aiming to be, would experience. So there is work ahead, and I must forge ahead.

On the other side, I seem to have adopted the persona of the ‘ladies man’ in my friends’ eyes and they accept and even admire it. This is nice, even though I realise it doesn’t help me on the contrary, I was number closing a Maltese pianist yesterday and they were hollering to go, throwing stuff at me – messing up the process, so to speak. I just ignored them, but took notice.

On the subject of friends, and you reading this blog, getting an insight into what I’m doing and why: I have this book, The Manual of the Warrior of Light, which has an inspirational quote on each page, in no particular order. When I’m looking for some guidance, some answers, I consult this book, and it never disappoints. Look what I found today:

The warrior knows that no man is an island.

He cannot fight alone; whatever his plan, he depends on other people. He needs to discuss his strategy, ask for help, and – in moments of relaxation – to have someone with whom he can sit by the fire, someone he can regale with tales of battle.

But he does not allow people to confuse camaraderie with insecurity. He is transparent in his actions and secretive in his plans.

A warrior of light dances with his companions, but does not place the responsibility of his actions on anyone else.

The warrior of light sits around the fire with his companions.

Taking breaks

I just read Angel’s 500th post and enjoyed it thoroughly. Most of it I agree with, one thing struck me. The ‘holiday’ I’ve been taking. Take a look:

On ‘breaks’

I also saw a lot of people taking ‘breaks’ from PU. In the spirit of self improvement, this is actually wrong. When your body and mind really incorporate a new behavior, it will try to ‘go back’ to the old state which is much more comfortable as they are no new surprises or unforeseen dangers there. So basically, whenever you feel the need to ‘take a break’, don’t give into it but welcome it. Accept the fact that you are changing for the better and I mean really fundamentally changing; not just adopting some fake superficial behavior.

If you don’t feel the need to take a break sometimes, I think you are not doing something right or at least, not taking enough risks (not escalating or not trying enough new things). Continue to go forward, don’t look back and you will keep growing and it will be practically impossible to reach plateaus. Use your old and new friends to keep you on the right track and you can basically keep going (and growing).

It strikes me that he’s probably right; my wanting to take a break was because I felt taken in a storm, and wanted to see what the difference was without game. But of course I’ve just been continuing with the habits I’ve created in the past few months, so I haven’t really been taking a break, just not actively looking for new women, or looking but not approaching, giving myself excuses. I guess that’s ok, as it’s given me time to work on existing relationships, and see my friends more. Which has greatly improved my outlook, as they are the barometers of my change. Overall, I see a positive reaction to my changes. People see that I am more relaxed, easier to talk to, more fun to be with, and that I can listen.

Next question being: what am I looking for and how do I plan on going about getting it? Let me ponder this one, there are already some queues in previous posts and I want to elaborate further. But do feel free to let me know what YOU think!

Meditating on my fate.

To end off with a quote from Paulo Coelho:

Everyone’s looking for the perfect teacher, but although their teachings might be divine, teachers are all too human, and that’s something people find hard to accept. Don’t confuse the teacher with the lesson, the ritual with the ecstasy, the transmitter of the symbol with the symbol itself. The Tradition is linked to our encounter with the forces of life and not with the people who bring this about. But we are weak: we ask the Mother to send us guides, and all she sends are signs to the road we need to follow.

Pity those who seek for shepherds, instead of longing for freedom! An encounter with the superior energy is open to anyone, but remains far from those who shift responsibility onto others. Our time on this Earth is sacred, and we should celebrate every moment.

Short thoughts

It suddenly struck me that picking up lots of girls is a bit like flicking channels on TV: in the end nothing is interesting anymore. The mere abundance of choice makes the choice itself meaningless. Same as in the supermarket: too many alternatives just leave me with an aftertaste of dissatisfaction, as I’ll never know for certain if I took the right one. So, try them all or take pleasure in random choice?

And to push the metaphor a step further, what PUAs do in a way, is get a remote control for women and learn how to predict and direct their every move. I don’t know who watched that movie but I think it didn’t end well. Don’t think it’d end well with me either, as who wants complete control over his loved ones?

PUA zapping for women

I also just realised that I’ve been letting go of some of the best practices that I acquired while learning to pick up, like saying hello to everyone, focusing on doing good things for others… that essentially have nothing to do with picking up and that aid my development as a fulfilled being. I notice I’ve been avoiding eye contact because I felt a bit insecure, but in fact I need to keep eye contact to realise I’m allowed to feel confident! Funny causalities… So I’m going to keep on focusing on those things so they stay a habit. What things?

- Make and keep eye contact.
- Say hi to everyone.
- Do good things for worthwhile people.
- Listen.

Eye contact - feel the tension, love the emotion

I don’t want to have to look for something outside of me to fill me up, like a woman filling my ‘needs’. I want to be self-sufficient. On the other hand, I’m afraid of ending up alone time and time again for not being able to compromise in or commit to an LTR. If I’m ready to break up too readily because I don’t need a given relationship, won’t I end up doing just that all the time and become a serial monogamist? What’s the third option…

Creating a deep emotional connection

That’s what I want. Poetry, music, making sweet love and sometimes rough. Lying in on Sundays and staring into each other’s eyes. Feeling completely naked and completely protected at the same time. And as a growth process (as this is a goal): to become more and more comfortable with my feelings, accepting them and dealing with them in dignity. That means not succumbing to neediness or possessiveness, instead being appreciative, inviting and protective. Being like little children together, open and free. If anything, that’s my path to emotional maturity and fulfillment.

Being like children together

Come to think of it, to my feeling that doesn’t mean it always has to be the same person, but that every woman I share my life with at any given time should be special to me in the most profound possible sense. The how, not the what or the how many…

Introducing: the Love Artist.

Back home – still on holiday

Just got back from NLP course. I have to admit, it’s been rough the last few days. Exhaustion and the new ‘no more empty playing-paradigm’ have been fucking with me.

Let’s jump right into it. As I don’t have my goals with women clear-cut anymore, things have been turning a bit awry here and there. With loss of clarity and purpose, things have still been working but with more effort. Like this girl that I kissed with on the first course, I was still with but this time I didn’t play any rules, and felt the anguish of wanting to be with her and not knowing how to handle it. Saying more that I should. Not being able to look other women in the eye, and feeling less attractive and confident. On the good side, ther’s more feeling – or at least, more yearning. Not sure what the difference is. Not sure if I like it. I also feel like I’ve been disconnected from myself, like there’s things I haven’t been facing about myself. Like I need to come into the clear about myself. I almost feel like telling everyone exactly what I’ve been doing. In fact, I’m really beginning to feel the need to be able to do that, and not suppose that at some point I’ll be so good that it’ll become acceptable to my surroundings, where now they’d (which is what my map of the world says) see it as a bit creepy and an oddity. Maybe that’s just how I see it, which is bad enough.

Here’s what did it for me: I get to go to Hawaii in January and take a guest. I’ve kind of been busy with this thought since July, and I’ve been a bit afraid of this moment. And here you go: since then I haven’t met a girl that I’d take there. Not that there weren’t any that I would take, but for some reason it seems stupid to me to risk taking a girl I met a couple of times on a three-week holiday, and investing so much in it. Like Sara that I met in Ireland, who’s probably moved on by now. She may come, but it’s a risk. Maybe I’m not adventurous, but then I’d rather take a friend, which I decided to do. Then I can also roam freely

Hot hawaii jet ski girl that I'll pick up

But on the other hand, it kind of stings. Maybe it’s asking too much after four and a half months of breaking up with my girlfriend to want to have someone I feel I can trust and invest in, on the other hand: what the fuck? What kind of person am I that I’m incapable of thinking of any woman I’d want to take there for three weeks (and that would actually go there with me as at least a lover), or not being able to just pick one and say ‘come with me to Hawaii’? I guess I don’t want to use it as an argument for someone to come with me and then expect anything from her. I would constantly look for signs of being used and she’d probably feel used. Maybe I’m just making excuses for myself…

So I have no fuck buddies, friends with benefits, or at least not of that intensity. I do have quite some women around me that I’m seeing, some as friends, others as lovers, others somewhere in between. But where are the ’special ones’? That’s the next thing for me.

What does it imply: more feeling. I felt that as I progressed in meeting new women, my sensitivity also weakened. I felt really strong and confident, with success as a result, but looking back I didn’t invest myself into it. Well, yes, I did, but only to a certain depth. I notice that I’m pretty good at meeting new people, striking up a connection, and taking it that step further (friendship, sex…). After that, my ‘game’ is a lot weaker. My mid-term and long-term managing skills are underdeveloped to say the least. Don’t read me wrong. I’m not an solitary sociopath. I have friends, colleagues, a good family life… I have long-term relationships in my life. I’m talking about the management of multiple meaningful sexual relationships.

In short, the way I feel for the moment doesn’t thrill me. I’m a bit scared, lonely. I won’t hide it. Chasing tail filled that in for me, but it’s pure short term and I don’t feel it’s filling my life with a lot of meaning. On the other hand, my intention to be with lots of women has left me with myriad contacts in the female realm. My options as I see them:

- Forget about all this ‘feelings’ crap and push on. Be with more women, end up with one that’s cool enough to be my girlfriend. Stick through it, try not to cheat on her so we can stick together and I can retire. At the risk of becoming incapable of loving as I rationalise every aspect of relationships and end up not being able to feel anything anymore as I’ve got it all under control. The Alpha male that is in reality an immature little boy that can’t relate to the very subjects he’s ensnaring and enslaving.
- Stop chasing like a blind dog. Accept that I feel scared and lonely with a girlfriend, and get over it. Stop trying to fill a gap with more, better girls and even my shit out. Balance out, and bring girls in to that. Accept where I am. Which, for the moment, fills me with not much less than dread as I’ve been compensating and portraying myself as a playboy for a while now, and I have to let go of that identity. Hello, Tolle. I’m going to need you. Become real, become enlightened, make it an intention to meet meaningful others and flow with the energy of the universe.
- Break down and grovel with my ex, begging her to take me back as she’s the most intimacy I’ve felt in ages and I might not find it again soon.
- Wait for the next girl to come along that I happen to think I can’t get but that seems interested in me, creating a spark that will take us over the first few months and who knows how long after that.
- Find that other way, the way of the lover. Fall in love ten times a day and be surrounded with it as a consequence. Just pure lovin’… which is also just another addiction by the way.

Here’s what I’ll do: I’m going to start with accepting my situation as it is. I won’t resist the mechanisms that are already in play. I won’t resist the creeping doubt and reproach every time I think I’ll be sleeping in a five-star hotel room with a mate of mine and not with a hot babe that I love spending time with. Once I get over that, see what comes to me. Hey, I might actually have a great time going out in Honolulu and meet amazing women! First step and probably title of one of my future posts: Acceptance.

Beach babe PUA Hawaii

Oh yeah, anyone have Tyler Durden’s address in Hawaii? I could look him up, I’m sure he’d be able to tell me something insightful :p

As always, feel free to comment, criticise or verbally slap me around for not seeing what’s been clear the whole time. I might get mad at you but if you’re right, I’ll be eternally grateful and I’ll buy you beers whenever I see you

Holidays

Am in Boston now – didn’t really feel like it but once I got there, it all turned out beautifully! I got picked up by a girl I’d met in Miami, and we went shopping, then for a drink in Little Italy. I met Jason, a friend of hers and ladies man (a cuddler), and we clicked instantly! I was going to go to my hotel and work, but I ended up playing scrabble in a bar and later having beers at Jason’s with ten other people until midnight. So cool! And I kissed in the toilet with the girl with her boyfriend in the other room – I shouldn’t be doing that but it kind of happened…

So things are rolling. Other things have been going slightly less good, like the more serious ‘projects’ I have with girls that I would like to be with more seriously. My teenage love appeared again and I think I narrowly missed a shot at being with her – on the other hand, it would have been rebound anyway so maybe not the best thing. In general, I think I could be slightly less forward. I don’t know but I seem to be exuding something deeply sexual (no kidding, I’m getting stares from women I’ve never gotten, no mistake) and I feel deeply confident as well. Life is good. I feel abundance. Back to the lesser things (because there might be a lesson here): I might have been too forward with my teenage love, at one point I suggested she allow herself to fall head over heels in love, but she said she didn’t want to risk giving up her boyfriend. I just hope I didn’t push her away with that. I’ll survive if I did, and I won’t crawl back or apologise. But I’m curious to see what the effect of my actions was on that one. I think she seriously considered it though. I should take that as a major compliment, because in the fifteen years I’ve known her, I’ve never felt this close to being with her, and feeling in a position to seduce her. Yeah!

On the whole, my interactions with people are going well. I’m not making the mistake of floating, trying to stay with my feet on the ground and remembering that it’s through being nice to people confidently, not arrogantly, that I get places. On the whole, I loved landing in Boston and straight onto my feet, making new friends instantly and feeling at ease in my body and mind, just being who I am and finding the people that appreciate that, completely naturally. Love it!