Ireland – first days

The landing

So I’m now in Ireland. I landed on Friday, took a cab to the hostel nearby. There I met a nice girl from America, a painter. We got talking in the common area with an older guy called Jim, who entertained us (briefly) about Cromwell, after which we had a cup of tea together and Jim toddled off to bed. We had a nice interaction going, lots of kino and teasing, but I didn’t want to take it further as I was tired and her body was a bit lumpy. I guess I was also instinctively afraid that she wouldn’t excite me with a body like that, and I do have standards…

Saturday

The next day, I went into Limerick. I parked my stuff at the hotel and went into town for some day game. I have to comment here that my main focus or practice area has been night game so far, so I don’t feel as comfortable in the streets – but you have to start somewhere eh. So I talked to some groups of girls after building up courage for two hours. I seemed to run into Eastern European people all the time, Polish, Romanian… It’s crawling with them there! I met this one couple and a friend (not so hot Chinese Polish girl) that were quite fun. At least the girl in the couple was, and she was also the hottest. I asked them where the nightlife was, we joked and talked a bit, and in all hung around for half an hour or so. It was nice, comfortable. Once I get talking it becomes quite easy to keep that level up.

Next, I walked around a bit and decided to go check out the nightlife area (near the Milk Market). I was strolling around when I saw a live Irish music trio on a terrace, which I decided to film. In the shot I took were three girls having coffee, and we started waving at each other as I was filming. I went over and said they were all going to be stars. They laughed, we started talking, and they invited me to join them for a coffee. Which I did, adding in a time constraint that I still needed to cook my dinner. They were Mairade, an 8 with a nice girl face, Ella, a 7 from Romania who had been teaching French there for ten years, and Joanna, a 5 with a slender body but way too much acne, who was also more reserved. We had good fun, talking about pickup lines and going ‘on the pull’ as they call it in Limerick. I like these conversations as they give me the feeling I’m in a different zone from other guys and it all seems so easy coming from there, it’s like I have instant access to building attraction without even having to hide it. So there was definitely a vibe, and they invited me to the farewell party of one of them, an Irish girl called Mairade, that was leaving on a world trip two days later. I graciously accepted their invitation and we arranged to meet up later in the evening. I went back to my hotel on a cloud, speaking to girls loosely on the way as if it was nothing. I felt like a king, just one day in town and already met some people to go out with.

The evening

I met Ella at a hotel nearby and we drove to the bar together. We had a nice conversation, turns out she also speaks Spanish and so we were laughing and chatting all the way there, really relaxed. We got to the bar and there were Joanna and a Romanian couple that were nice but nothing more. Ella got me a drink (the details ;p) and I told her I’d go and find her some ‘talent’ as she said there was none when I prodded her to go sarging with me. So I walked up to four guys and introduced myself, we chatted a bit. They were cold in the beginning but I just ploughed on and they started warming to me, after which I pointed to Ella and said she liked one of the guys, if he was single? I tried to get him to go over by telling the friends that he should, but they weren’t enthusiastic enough. Ella, in the meantime, had noticed and they were talking between themselves.

I went back and said the one guy was totally into her, that she should go over, but she didn’t want to. Then she actually did! I was impressed, until I walked up and heard her say that I had probably made a fool of her. I saved it by saying that the one guy was crazy about her, which got them all laughing, but then she kind of slinked away, which I thought was a bit cowardly – or maybe the guys were just not giving her any attention.

Then Mairade arrived, and we joined her and her friends. She had some nice friends but no-one really spectacular. I met them and we talked a bit, but I must say from there the energy kind of started going down. I still had a really got conversation with Joanna about stalkers (she had one) and Mairade joined in, and I found out Joanna was actually pretty cool and intelligent. I also walked around the pub a bit but couldn’t spot anyone I wanted to talk with, it was mainly guys and older women. So I ended up hanging around Mairade’s group a bit and felt my state dwindling as they started doing their thing. I drifted out of the center, couldn’t control it. I also told myself not to try and control it, to just enjoy what they were doing. That did work, but after a while I got a bit bored. I went out of state and started losing the feeling that what I had to say was interesting. This guy with no game at all started AMOGing me because he wanted to impress the girls and Ella, who I got along with really well, and I didn’t really stop him as I thought it wasn’t even worth it. We were going to go to a club but nothing really happened. Ella and Joanna had to be convinced to stay, but they were just sitting around watching the other people laugh and sing, like me. Sidelined, shit.

I wanted to move. Finally, we started going somewhere, Joanna, Ella and the AMOGer, who was trying to be funny by going over the top and playing the clown. It irritated me because I actually felt he was doing better than me, and I was a bit grumpy and felt like being elsewhere. Joanna noticed and I admitted, but that didn’t really help. I tried to start a conversation with her again but I could feel my interest had waned, and I didn’t feel the vibe.

We ended up in a loud underground club and I tried to get back in state, talked to some girls but nothing really worked anymore. I hung around cursing myself and trying to feel interested by Ella and Joanna who were just standing around looking homeless themselves (as I felt). We met the others and danced a bit. In the end, I left together with Ella and Joanna and the AMOG who was unsuccessfully trying to pull Ella. Ella said she would text me and I said ‘OK’ but I didn’t really plan on seeing her again. I walked home and fell asleep, feeling dejected.

Sunday surfing

I got up four hours later and took the bus to Bundoran, my surfing village. Turns out it’s a small seaside town with cinema, bowling, amusement halls (mainly bingo machines) and great waves! I had to paddle out of course, and even though the wind was all wrong as were the waves, I went paddling for three hours and caught two nice waves.

After, I met a girl called Angelika (a 5), a plump but sweet Swiss optician. As the hostel was nearly deserted I didn’t have many options and decided to make the best of it. We went to see the Germany-Spain Eurocup final in a pub and got along quite well with some prodding. Then we went bowling, and ended up having tea in the hostel. It was nice but nothing spectacular. I’d listened to some RSD earlier during the day and the words ‘there are no excuses for not going out and meeting girls’ kept running through my head, so I didn’t enjoy the moment as much as I could’ve. I went to bed to surf early.

Some analysis

I can’t really pinpoint what went wrong that night. I know I gave my power away, that I could have just chilled and not let it phase me, but it did. I felt like an out-of-place stranger and in that process, all other strangers became competition trying to fit in. It’s the feeling I had when I was a teenager, you have the ‘populars’ and everyone wants to hang with them but once I was there, I would be bored because I felt they talked about stupid stuff. I know it’s not the right thought process. I think it’s being here alone and having to instinctively justify that to myself, in subtle ways. I have to calm myself and tell myself it’s ok to be alone, to be here on my own. It’s not sad (can you hear the internal dialogue ). It works, but I still feel weaker, and a bit out of place. I can’t seem to set that feeling of Saturday night out of my head. I can feel I’m looking for approval, validation, while I really don’t need to. And yet I’m doing it.

Now I’m probably being a tad hard on myself, as I also resolved not to contact the home front for validation. I want to do it on my own, and that’s what I’m doing. It just maked things a lot more difficult and fragile, which I should appreciate as I’m going out of my comfort zone. I can’t feel the use of closing but that’s probably because I haven’t done it yet I’m on the verge of feeling sorry for myself, and that’s just stupid because here I am in a surf paradise with great waves!

I think I’m grappling for a comfort zone to start off from. I feel too much out of place to be comfortable, and that’s necking me. I know, I’m a child of the earth and where I am is my home as much as anyone’s. But still. I want more. I also have the personality to push myself further than is possible or at least feasible, and maybe that’s what I’m doing here as well, expecting too much in too little time. I’m not Tyler Durden or any of those guys (yet), and that fact weighs upon me like a disappointment even though I’ve nowhere near the same amount of practice, rejection and pain behind me to warrant that kind of skill. Talk about knowing but not understanding

This may not be the most sunny reading ever (it’s Ireland ;p); but it’s part of the trip and I’m dedicated to putting some marks on the board yet this week. What I’m going to focus on is enjoying the moment, and not pressuring myself for result. I need to pressure myself into the process of meeting people, exploring techniques, after which I can hope for some result.

Greetings from a humbled student,

PR

After Athens

To make a long story short: I got back from Athens on a high. I knew then I could go out, have fun, get girls. That world was a road I could go, getting progressively better and getting more beautiful women, crazier times. Which was a nice thought. On the other hand I realised the comfort and intimacy I had with my girlfriend, and how valuable that is. And how you can only build something like that over time. However nice a girl is, you always have to get to know her for a while for there to be real intimacy.

So I got together with my girlfriend, she was ready to say goodbye if I pursued this path (I didn’t really hide it). At that moment, I didn’t want to risk losing something I’d built up for something I could rebuild in a week, so I got back together with her. And of course, it was really nice to be with her – she is a great girl.

But not enough; it went well for a few weeks, then after her last exam and on the day we knew each other for two years, we broke up again. In the meantime, I’d also gone to Minneapolis for a week (see other field report).

We’d come into the same pattern as before, where I’d want more freedom/distance whatever signal that designates not complete contentness, and she’d cling on, creating a destructive spiral. On that night, I was out with her for dinner and couldn’t for the life of me muster up the energy to get into the moment, to enjoy her company. I wanted anywhere, anything but her, I wanted out, I had these voices in my head cursing her, shouting at her – it was scary. Something inside me was being blocked.

We went to her apartment, she asked if she could stay over, I said ok but I need to get up early. She wasn’t exactly charmed but came anyway. I half ignored her (I know I’m a dick but I couldn’t help it) until she left. Then we had a long conversation on the phone, that ended without a real conclusion.

During the weekend, I saw her mother and we talked about it. She set my head straight. Either go for it, or not. So, not. I sent her an email as she wasn’t picking up the phone, and that’s the last I’ve heard of her for a week.

It feels sad to have lost her, and I miss the comfort. Also, I’ve been so busy I couldn’t ‘compensate’ by going out and meeting other girls. So I was in a bit of a shit spot earlier today, but now I’m feeling better, lighter. It’s weighing what you lose against what you stand to gain; you need to gain something or the loss starts wearing your arm down (see the picture? :p)

Now I’m leaving for Ireland for a week, going surfing and god knows what else’ll happen…

Athens Trip – Day 6&7 (final)

During the conference the next day I saw the French girl a couple of times. There was a certain tension, but I couldn’t quite get a grip on it. Also, she was nervous about her presentation. I sat in as she did it. She was obviously not too happy with it afterwards (ask me how it really was :-p).

In the evening, the conference was over but some of the remainers went out for dinner in a restaurant nearby. She didn’t really search me out so I went and sat next to her, smooth enough to not make it seem like I was following her (really). It was kind of hard to talk to her, I had to make an effort but I made do by having a conversation with her, then addressing the rest (of which one Russian smoking really think cigarettes like he was the next intellectual revolution and boring everybody out of their minds).

After that, we went back to the hotel where I wasn’t staying anymore in the meantime. We had some drinks in the lobby, I hung around and was actually in a bit of a foul mood as she wasn’t really searching me out. I felt like she didn’t really like me, or that I hadn’t done it well enough so she’d hang onto me. On the other hand, I didn’t want to be AFC and stalk her, so I hung around some other people. Eventually, I ended up next to her in a couch and we started to talk. She held my gaze every time I talked to her, and started smiling. I thought she was just playing with me, because why was she so unforthcoming? Well…

People started drifting off, and I said I was going. She said: ‘Where?’ and I said to my hotel. She said she was also going. I walked her to her room. We walked in and kissed. We got undressed. We got in bed. I didn’t get an erection… again. Never mind what I told her, it was good enough to not make me feel like a complete limp dick (something about not being the one night stand type). We slept in each other’s arms (see any patterns emerging? Curious to hear your feedback about that). We woke up, she wanted me to fuck her, I couldn’t. Nouvelle would tell me later my LTR was holding me back (it was only half on at the time, kissing was permitted but no sex). I didn’t feel it that way but I did feel some chain still holding me to my LTR. I was also pissed off at myself, because why was I doing this if I couldn’t get it up? A good friend of mine recommended Viagra; to just have it with me, to know I could if I wanted to. Sounded like a good idea, and I have used it once to test it, with good effect. Apparently it only works if you feel like sex, otherwise it just gives you a headache (makes you think of that typical excuse eh)

So we said our goodbyes but of course we would be in touch. On the whole a really good acquaintance, both professionally and personally as she was open-minded and cool about the whole thing since then. I like that kind of woman.

I went to my hotel, caught the plane, got home.

Athens Trip – Day 5

On Tuesday, my colleague and I visited the archaeological sites of Athens: Acropolis, forum… with quite a boring and inconsequential group. The only excitement of the trip was a succulent yet elegant Greek girl walking down the street alongside me, that gave me such an enticing look my guts fell right into my pants (I’m sure you know the feeling). I chickened out and didn’t say anything, she walked on. I was looking for a place to eat so I kind of walked the same way, looking for something and staring at her ass (at least I’m honest :-p). At some point she vanished, and the street ran out of places to eat, so I went into this place that looked healthy. And there she was! She looked at me like ‘Finally’, and I smiled, looked at the menu and found out they didn’t have what I wanted. So I walked out, pulling up my shoulders. I’m sure she survived. Me, however? Barely. This is the curse of the picker upper: every opportunity is also a challenge, and every opportunity not taken a blemish on one’s record. That and my tendency to tire myself out to utter exhaustion while trying to fulfill my every desire, is a dangerous combination for a man’s peace of mind indeed.

But on with the show; we had something to eat, finished the tour, and moved to the five star hotel at the coast for work. This place was just amazing, I’m not even going to start describing it. Just take a look at it yourself. So we got there in the early evening. I went to the spa, worked out, jumped into the sea, then took a sauna and relaxed with by the pool with a hypnotherapy session. Then I went back to my room, got dressed in my brand new Athens Hight Street (called Ermou) clothes and made my way down to the opening reception of the conference I was attending.

One of the people that I work together with is a French girl called Sophie, a blonde with amazing blue eyes and a face like an exultant goddess. I’d seen her the year before in Rome, but she’d all but ignored me then. Yes it was quite different this time, and I do think it was partly due to better grooming and the approach I used on her. Another thing I found out was that she’d broken up with her boyfriend recently. Just to put things into perspective; I don’t mean to be the big hero PUA or something, I just want to tell my story for your and my own future reference – as such I’m open to your feedback and doubts about any of this, as it can only serve to improve me.

The approach: I gratefully applied Nouvelle’s cooking roleplay technique on her, and to this day (a month later) we’re still playing it (efcharisto filos! :-p) Within five minutes we had nicknames for each other, and every time I was losing steam, she’d just bring it up again, I’d turn it into a sexual C/F retort, and we’d both be laughing our asses off. We separated ourselves from the throng and started throwing in some personal conversation as well. What she had wanted to be when she was young, what she wanted now, the boyfriend thing… All this time coming back to our imagined marriage (25 years of it). It was great fun. Then we dispersed, and rejoined. We went up to our rooms together, and she walked me to my room and came in. There was obviously a big tension but I didn’t want to be unprofessional and certainly not take the risk of being rejected by someone I still had to work with – then rather not succeed in closing her than being a chump for the rest of our cooperation and not being respected.

So I held off, went in as far as I felt was safe, and didn’t kiss her. The tension was palpable though, and the first time she went to her room she hugged me and pulled me close. That in itself was already huge for me, as I’d wanted this girl badly the year before, and now she was in my arms! Very cool. I went in to go to bed, and as I was lying in bed, she called me! She didn’t have internet and needed to do something before tomorrow, if I didn’t want to ‘elp (as she would say it in her sexy French accent). I went over with the chocolate that they put on your pillow, which she gratefully gobbled up. We then tried to fix the internet but couldn’t do it. Again, the tension was there and after a while I started getting restless as the conversation was going in the same direction all the time but nothing was happening. So I went back to my room, after which I called her when I was in bed to ask if she had internet already. She said no, I invited her to my room to do her work, which she did. I lay in bed and didn’t put on a T-shirt :-p But still, no kissing! I felt like a regular AFC, I admit, but I also didn’t want to take the risk (in hindsight: what risk?).

So she went to bed at four in the morning, after a filled night that made me feel like there was definitely something there. Maybe a bit too LTR but I’d deal with that later. Lights out.

Athens Trip – Day 4

Monday was the day my colleague was arriving (I was there for work). I hung around until he came, then we went shopping. At seven, I had my tour of the parliament with Popi, the girl I’d met at Agrotiri on Saturday night. I had to wait a bit, but finally she appeared and took me in. She was less good-looking than I remembered, a bit pale and her skin didn’t look so healthy. An obvious smoker, which is ok as long as it doesn’t affect how you look (I think).

So Popi took me on the tour of the Greek parliament, and in the meantime told me about her colleagues (I’d told her I was a coach and that I could probably help her in solving the tensions at work). I saw the Greek minister of Economics give a speech to a nearly empty auditorium, and generally had good fun with her but no amazing chemistry. I figured I could go for the kiss but didn’t really feel like it, and I also felt like I wanted some rest so I invited her, as planned, to have dinner with me on Thursday in the fancy hotel I would be staying at in Vouliagmeni (the Côte d’Azur of Athens), which she gracefully accepted. In the end we never had dinner, but that’s a different story.

So I left her at work after having met her two female colleagues with which I had a good discussion on male-female attraction and how men should (could in my case) behave in relationships, from being more caring to not being such a pussy wimp. Both are equally bad but in general, the promise of feelings is better than a sickening abundance of them I’d say. A nice chat, that I left feeling like the Love Doctor or something. I admit, it could’ve turned into a foursome as well but I was happy nonetheless…

I met up with my colleague again and we started out to a restaurant that the Russian girls had recommended, somewhere in the touristic area called Plaka. We had to look and walk for a bit, but finally found it; a restaurant as there are many others, with a cute roof terrace. And guess who was sitting there when we came onto the roof terrace; the Russian girls! They were all happy and surprised to see me, but as before the conversation went bumpily. So I decided to just have fun with my colleague, which we did: we ordered platters of all the typical Greek food (the only stuff I’d eaten so far was pizza and souvlaki rolls) and stuffed ourselves. The Russian girls had a picture taken with us, and left.

After dinner, I was pretty much exhausted from the events and not really in need of a nightly adventure, but my colleague was! So I called Nouvelle and while having to decline the invitation to join me for health reasons, he gracefully listed a few places I might try out that could have a crowd on a Monday night (Nouvelle is the nicest Greek guy I have ever met by the way; not sure if I’ve mentioned that enough until now. We got along like a house on fire, and he made me feel really at home and welcome, going out of his way to accommodate me). We went to Psiri first, where we finally found a latin salsa kind of bar. There were some girls dancing (three quite nice girls with two guys), but I felt so different with my colleague there (he’s gay by the way), that I didn’t really dare to go for the all-out approach thing. I felt like it though! I tried one approach to the group but didn’t get far, just a friendly shrug. Ah well.

Then at some point, I started talking to an older guy who I’d seen dancing with a Big Latino Mama earlier, and he turned out to be Puerto Rican and travelling with a group of 96 (96!) other Puerto Ricans, of which the Big Mama called Nona, his son, and about fifteen other young people suddenly present in the bar. They burned up the dance floor and my Spanish came in pretty handy to get friendly with them. On the wings of that, I finally spoke to the guys of the first group. They turned out to be Greek, and I was quickly chatting to the guys, who then introduced me to the girls, who then started getting interested… To make a long story short: the first girl I’d spoken to ended up being really nice and sparkly, and we talked while I held her hand in my one hand, looking into her eyes. Didn’t kiss close, but left on a high. I was happy enough.

Next, we went back to the Lier Man where I went on Friday, and we talked to some guys there that were quite entertaining. I was just filming the interior of the bar when this guy walked up to me and started talking to me. Then his girlfriend, sitting three chairs away from where I’d met Phedra, started calling me over with her index finger (what do you call that movement again? :-p) So I stepped over there, and we started talking. She was quite a character, called Constantina, and the two of them had just gotten together but not quite sure where it was going. I asked them a question and when they answered, quickly clocked their reactions and made a comment on that, which they saw as some kind of magic revelation about them. So all of a sudden me and my colleague, who’d joined in at that point, were good friends (ok it was late and we were quite drunk too). I went into the bathroom with the guy and he told me his story, of how he’d broken up with his gf two weeks before and this was his new flame, and that he wasn’t sure whether or not to go in on it, and that she was really pushing for it. I gave him some advice and he said if I wanted to get together, I should call him. The bar closed and we left, off to bed.

Athens trip – Day 3

On Sunday, I went to Delphi after only three hours of sleep. Typical for me; I always want to get so much out of my trips that I end up going out too late, thereby sacrificing my energy for cultural endeavours but still persevering. And Delphi took some perserverance: a three hour bus ride, a historical site on a hill that I had to climb with my sandals (don’t ask)… There was a sexy small blonde girl on the bus with us, with a ridiculously short dress with red and white checkers and a blonde ponytail. She looked like a Dutch cartoon figure or something, and in hangover mode her fine legs were maddeningly appealing. I tried to approach her when we got off the bus with the uninspired: ‘Are you also doing the tourist thing?’, and predictably got a very non-committal response. Ah well. I did the admittedly beautiful walk of Apollo’s temple, and then went down to see the Oracle.

While I was walking along, I passed by a slim, curly-haired woman with an enormous camera around her neck (read on and you’ll know how I found out it was a Nikon D300). I ignored her because I was at that point contemplating the fact that you can stare at women but that you can’t measure anything from their reactions to your presence, as they don’t even know you and have to take you at face value. And you can radiate all the confidence and style you want, but frankly I think only certain women notice you as they aren’t really looking for you until you take the time to show them that they actually are. So I decided to not torture myself by supplicating for interest from strangers (what do you think of that?). I was walking along and noticed I was on the wrong site, so I turned back. The woman was taking a picture of the same flower I had noticed in passing, so I couldn’t help commenting: ‘Beautiful flower eh’. She looked up, smiled, and in her immaculate British accent said that it was; that she was taking pictures but that she wasn’t too inspired today. And so on; great eye-contact, I tried to keep it cool and off-handedly interested, which seemed to work. We walked alongside each other as I said I was going to see the Oracle, which she said she hadn’t seen. As we were walking, some of her friends joined us, one of which asked: ‘Who is that guy?’ I immediately retorted with:’Who are you?’ and a big smile, which seemed to neutralise that awkward moment. In the meantime, I was growing quite fond of this English girl. She was here with friends doing a vintage car rally, and this was their day off. She was fun to talk with, adventurous and witty in a really nice way. She invited me to a party in Mikonos the week after, which I sadly had to decline (damn obligations in Belgium, otherwise I would’ve gone!). To make a long story short: she had seen the Oracle and we parted ways, after a heart-rending scene where we stood twenty metres apart looking at each other with a big:’What now?’ between us. I asked if she would be in Athens that night, she wouldn’t. It would’ve been too stupid to ask for her number, to unrealistic. With sadness I said goodbye to this light-hearted, engaging young lady and went to the Oracle for guidance on the rest of my life without her.

The Oracle said nothing but my phone did go off just as I was sitting down by the monument; it was my mother, who’d accidentally dialed my number. I called her back to hear what wisdom she had to share with me. Not much apparently, so I settled for contemplating the importance of motherly love.

I went back to the bus stand two hours early and couldn’t get the early bus back. Neither could the sexy blonde girl from earlier, so I spoke to her and her friend; we went for a walk in the village of Delphi (lots of stairs, not much to see besides bars and tourist shops). She turned out to be Russian, called Tatiana, and her friend was Irina. At first they were a bit cold, but after a while they warmed up and we had some nice pieces of conversation (I say pieces because they were a bit awkward, also with each other, so the conversation would just fall flat for some minutes and then suddenly pick up again). I tried not to look at Tatiana’s legs all the time but failed miserably. She wasn’t too good-looking and not really that great (not like the English girl, amazing what an unrequieted romantic fatigue can make of a man) but there was something about her (and my hangover) that made me want her, quite badly at that.

I’ll cut to the chase: I didn’t get her. We had dinner in a restaurant, then got on the bus two hours later. I sat next to her the whole time, talked to her about relationships, values, the whole shabang, tried as much kino as possible (which was difficult), and we definitely struck up some rapport near the end. We got to Athens, I got her number, we exchanged some messages later on that evening but didn’t manage to get together. I was to meet her again briefly two days later but never got to spread those fine legs and hear her swear in Russian while I banged her, which I would have appreciated profoundly even when I think back on it now. But I guess it’s those that you can’t get that haunt you the most eh…

In the evening, I went to Nouvelle’s place and chatted with the Greek Lair guys about technique, structures (;-p), swear words (ksistarhidiasu mekasba), how to deal with lair members that never sarge etc. Sky, the Greek Lair leader, told me something really interesting for avoiding number close flakes called call rotation. The principle is the following: you get a number. A few days later, you call her up. You chat. No invitations. You fluff talk, create rapport, then hang up. A couple of days later, the same. And the same a few days down the line. You got it: become part of her life. Until she invites you herself, which she often does!

He said his flakes had gone down dramatically with this technique; I’m inclined to believe him (the guy was dating strippers and the picture he showed me of his ex was stunning). I’ve been doing it a bit myself lately, with good effect, on my complete social circle: I have a list of the people I want to stay in touch with and I consult it regularly. Whoever I feel I haven’t heard for a while, I’ll call. Before, I’d feel overwhelmed trying to remember to call but the list has made things easier, and it’s a cool thought that you can just call someone and have a chat without having to grab for your already tight diary. Twisted? Maybe I am…

Trip to Athens – Day 2

After my unexpectedly eventful Friday night in Athens, I got up at about one and had breakfast on a square nearby. Then I took a cab to the beach (these are cheap in Athens, a great way to get around). I spent the afternoon at Voula, one of the more uptown beach places on the Athens coast. Had to pay €7 to get in, too. There were beach chairs and a big villa with a bar, couches, garden… and hundreds of young, stylish people hanging out in house music. I felt like some alone-time so I took one of the chairs by the sea and did some reading, and listened to these hypnotherapy tapes by Hypnotica. Not sure if it helps (who’s to say) but I liked just listening to it and letting my mind automatically follow the cues of the voice, drifting off until I woke up with this feeling that I’d gone through all kinds of stuff. It’s definitely interesting, what’s your opinion on these things?

I went back to the hostel and got changed; tonight, Nouvelle was taking me to one of the fanciest clubs in Athens, Agrotiri (the time it took me to remember that name…). I must say I didn’t really feel up to it – my limp dick moment of the night before had put me in a contemplative mood, and I didn’t really know why I was doing it anymore. Who was I trying to impress, and what was I looking for if I ditched a cool, beautiful girl for the promise of girls that when materialised, I couldn’t consummate? On the other hand, I have had it before even without girlfriend – I guess it’s nerves and it can become a bit habit that can be broken by habit (mine was mostly with a steady LTR but I imagine a stream of new girls could do the same?).

That’s the state I met Nouvelle in. He wasn’t in a particularly amazing mood either – a 28-year-old girl that he really liked had come over and while they’d made out, it hadn’t gone all the way and he wasn’t sure what to think of it (correct me if I’m wrong). It was nice to talk to him; he knows how to listen and even though he occasionally had the tendency to project his advice onto me, he didn’t insist which I really appreciate in people.

So, I was explaining to him about my misfortunes of the night before and wondering where to go now when I picked up this article by Tyler Durden, from a stack of other articles. In short, what I read from it was that most guys connect their self-image to the image they have of their success with women, which is often an illusory success. Many guys, including myself in a former life, have some success with women but it is as much chance and the subtle initiative of the woman that helps them get by. When you’re really honest, you’re only ever as good with women as your next approach, and that’s got nothing to do with who you are. It was an epiphany to say the least. It instantly lifted my downer considerably, as I no longer felt I needed to prove my worth as a person by picking up another girl to drown out the misery of my previous experience. It’s a liberating and also challenging thought: as long as you don’t approach and try things out, you suck with women by default – how can you be good when you’re not actively doing anything…

So with a lifted state we left for the discotheque, where the leaders of the Greek Lair had booked a table (they were in town for a meeting about the Lair right when I was there, which was very cool). So we got in through the roped-off entrance with suits and guest lists, and I met the guys (you know who you are). There’s often a special vibe when I meet another PUA; I understand what drives him deep down and he knows the same of me, and that gives an instant connection and sympathy. So we said hellos and let the Game begin.

As I try to do in clubs, I started approaching like a crazy can opener, looking for a set that would have me and lift me to the next one. I talked to some girls about the fact that Greek people roll cigarettes more than elsewhere, but it kind of died. Then I met two thirtysomething women and talked to them for a bit; they were sweet and interested but not the kind I’d hang around with all night, so I moved on to a little group of gorgeous Greek girls behind them. Their English was lamentable but I still got some nice smiles and rudimentary conversation going. Some contexting: I don’t want to brag about being able to actually talk to people. However, the reputation of the Greek is quite intimidating, both culturally and linguistically, so I had the feeling that I was coming from a long way off. After these I rejoined the guys, had a drink. I wandered around a bit and wondered if I was going to cut it in this environment. At that moment, I passed Nouvelle who was in a two-set with a wing. I nudged him and walked by, but he pulled me in (the champ) and introduced me to the set (he afterwards told me that it was dying so I was welcome to it). It turned out to be my best set of the night, so eternal gratitude to the openers! They were two sisters, one of which works in Bruges with an old school mate of mine (crazy coincidence) and the other who was really good-looking and that I started role-playing with (Nouvelle had told me this earlier; he asks ‘Can you cook’, and dependent on the answer launches into either an ‘That’s it – we’re getting divorced’ game or a ‘We’re getting married’ roleplay – and I must say, it’s magic ;-p). She was the divorce type, and she was doubled up with laughter in minutes. I switched my attention from the one sister to the other (I was alone in the set at this time), played them out against each other, let them join forces against me… A spirited and positive interaction, which ended with me getting the one sister’s facebook name and my divorced wife’s number with the promise of a private tour of the Greek parliament (she worked there).

I rejoined the guys, high as a kite, had a sip, and went off again (once I get started I can’t stand still – it’s a good and bad thing as I can open a lot but I also tend to neglect my company). One of the guys went with me as a wing. We were outside, and we walked to the end of the club that overlooked the Greek sea softly breaking onto a rocky slope – stunning. This older guy with a beard I’d seen at the entrance that was apparently a TV celebrity passed me by with his 18-year-old girlfriend and I tried to stop him by crying out:’Hey, aren’t you that famous Greek guy?!’, but he politely smiled and walked on, the bastard

We opened about two sets and returned. I went back and forth to the sets I’d opened, and started meeting the friends and groups around; I was on fire, but social as Nouvelle would remark afterwards. I wasn’t really out for seduction, or it didn’t happen and I wasn’t pressing it although in hindsight, I could’ve done so a couple of times. I was happy just being able to talk to people and feeling successful at that, I guess staying in my comfort zone as I didn’t feel like going all the way anyway… Nouvelle went with me on one of my rounds and left me with a girl that I did try to go a bit further with but that declined when I made a slightly clumsy escalation (even though her friends had already told me she was single and that I should take her, and that she was obviously interested) – I just didn’t give her the chance to give me a chance eh…

Apparently most of the guys had left because when I came back to our spot, they were all gone. I found Nouvelle and we went outside. We discussed the night, and Nouvelle pointed out my social game. I agreed, I had been going for social guy and not seductive guy, so there was work to be done. We also talked about adaptability; he said he didn’t feel comfortable in clubs like that, that he got the feeling that everyone was better than him. I recognise the feeling; I had this as well for a long time and still have it unexpectedly in certain environments that trigger me. But in clubs like these, the more I open, the more I realise that everyone’s just trying to have a good time, and that if you’re in a good mood, you’re already doing better than half of the club if not more (just think of all those guys that are desperate for a lay and that don’t know half of what we know ;-p).

All in all a pleasant night. I was especially grateful for the turnaround of my mood, and I had accomplished my goal of turning my being foreign into an advantage. I had learned some words and would try them out on the groups, that would erupt in laughter at my tries and would add onto my knowledge, a great way to open in a disarming and friendly way.

Trip to Athens – Day 1

So I went to Athens in May, and had a great time! I’ll keep it brief but relevant (right):

I arrived at around noon, got in touch with the guy from the Greek lair that I had found online, and went to meet him for coffee in an area of Athens called Panormou. I met Nouvelle, the leader of the Athens lair, and we went for my first frappé (Greek ice coffee – fantastic stuff!), where we exchanged pleasantries and experiences. He was about 22 at the time, a smallish, unshaven guy with expressive eyes, a black T-shirt and torn jeans. He talked passionately about the Game, and we hit it off nearly immediately – he had a sharp sense of humour and didn’t take himself too seriously, plus he was open to feedback, all very good traits for a budding PUA.

So we decided to continue our acquaintance and got together a couple of hours later for some night game. I’d bought a girl I met at the hostel, Diana, a spoilt Canadian girl that I treated like a little princess that needed to face reality. That and some niceness of course, a combination which seemed to work. We sat down at one of the terraces in the bar area at Panormou (very cosy, people every night!) and I elicited her values and played them back to her. She was tough (for me), very aware of her beauty and stature, and I needed to take care to stay centered and distant enough, yet be nice enough for her to stay in the interaction (supplication? She nearly ran out on me when I didn’t tell her the exact program for the night.. When is it compromise, and when are you taking someone’s feelings in account?). Finally Nouvelle showed up, alone (no pivots as promised), in his torn jeans (no fancy clothing as promised) and without a grand plan for going to a great club (as promised). This decreased my value to Diana significantly as I’d sold the trip to her as our meeting my great Greek friend who knew everyone and as taking us out to one of the best clubs in Athens. Ah well on with the Game eh… We tried to charm her for a bit, tried out some different tactics like patterning etc. to impress each other and her, but at some point she just got up and left to go back.

No harm done; we got up and went to a bar in the street, where I immediately opened a rather heavy girl with a beautiful face. She turned out to be quite intelligent and good conversation, so I sat with her for a while and then Nouvelle joined us and started chatting up her girlfriend. After some of that and meeting a couple of PUAs we decided to move to another place and Nouvelle painstakingly convinced the two to come with us to the other bar. Some background on this: Nouvelle is working on a thing called ‘Entourage Game’, where you build a network of girls you can call and take out with you to build instant social proof (and not to forget their possibly gorgeous girlfriends), which made him slightly more LJBF at times than I would say is necessary. I think it’s a good tactic, but I would still never convince anyone to come with me, as we discussed later on.

We took the metro and arrived in another area of Athens, where we went to a really cosy bar called Lier Man or something. Living room style, with coloured dampened lights and white interior, cocktail-friendly and nice Greek thirtysomethings. I liked it! At that point, I wasn’t feeling like the biggest artist in the world but I was intent on getting some approaches down and to turn my being foreign to my advantage instead of letting it be a barrier to go.

So I nonchalantly approached a girl sitting by the bar who looked like she worked there and was on a break. She was called Phedra and we immediately had a connection: nice eye-contact, very physical conversation. Her English was bad but I didn’t mind, and after a while she said I was the first person that made her feel comfortable speaking English. By that time, we had a massive kino and eye contact going, smiles abound. I spent some time talking to her friends who were actually really nice and that practically sold her to me (as I would encounter various other times later on in the trip too). She was a dancer and choreographer, and she was leaning against me like I was a hot pillar in an arctic snowstorm – which was nice

Her friends left, she stayed behind, ‘Because I like your company very much’ (imagine sexy Greek accent). Only a deaf, dumb and blind guy wouldn’t have sealed the deal – so bang, kiss close on my first night in Athens! In the meantime, Nouvelle had been entertaining the two girls we came with. He came in while I was kissing with Phedra and said goodbye for the night, I stayed with her. At some point the bar was closing, so we needed to make some decisions. I was staying in a dorm room and she lived an hour away, so I called Menelaos for the address of a hotel in the neighbourhood. We took a cab, stopped at a kiosk and some old guy conviently slipped me some flyers for a hotel with hourly rates when he spotted me buying condoms and a sesame bar. So that’s where we went: round bed, round mirror above it, tacky Greek paintings on the wall… it was perfect! We started kissing and undressing each other, I was quite tired but also excited. And nervous; this was my first f-Close (except for my gf) as a PUA (or student PUA)!

Actually, it turned out not to be my first f-close because I couldn’t get a hard-on. I was fine while we were kissing, but as soon as I came near her pussy I deflated like a sad ol’ banana. We tried a couple of times and then I just gave up, said I was nervous and not really the one-night-stand type (which was technically but not principally true). We cuddled and fell half asleep for an hour or so which was nice (why does it have to sound so sad…) and then we got dressed and went our separate ways. To round off this story: I got her number, sent her some messages the day after but didn’t get a reply. I couldn’t really blame her I guess – although I’m sure I would have done better the second time.

So a limp dick moment! That took some swallowing of pride and illusions of pimpdom (luckily I’ve had some very solid hard-ons in the meantime so I can laugh with it, which I could only do sourly at the time). I felt deflated and a bit stupid – what was I actually trying to do going to bed with girls if I couldn’t get excited when it actually happened? What was I then really going for? I wondered and worried what Nouvelle would think of that. I took a cab home and slept.